Wondering what Mommy Homework is???
Each week you will have an “assignment” here to share in our comments here on this site. You will love this-both sharing AND enjoying answers by others. Some of them, I compile into an ebook (contributors can resell as a product of their own–be sure to submit your email and full name when you register so I can credit you appropriately!).
The result is AWESOME! 
We get to know each other…we are encouraged in our journey…and we glean super ideas from other great moms!
Ready for this week’s MH? This is going to be a fun topic!
My sweet friend and mentor, Gerri Helms, publishes a super resource each month for her coaching clients. It is called Seasons of Spirituality. Each day, she asks a question that digs deep within and jogs our brain for a journaling exercise. It amazes me how each and every day, she is RIGHT ON with her questions. They pull so much out of me. This week, I think that one of her questions is just PERFECT for our Mommy Homework. Just peek at it:Juggling Too Much?
At times I take on too much, and like the best jugglers, some balls will drop when I have too many are in the air. “No” is a complete sentence. If I could only remember to use it!
How will you say, “NO” when asked to take on one more thing, when you already have too many balls in the air?
Just jump in and share today! OH! And, don’t forget to come back and enjoy all of the other mom-to-mom ideas and plans for action! I think this is going to be GOOD!
Love ya!
Cindy
PS! Please remember to use your real name if you want credit for your Mommy Homework Credit. 
PPS! You CAN just share and not participate in Mommy Homework, BUT I would LOVE for you to get some goodies along the way!
Deadline–Friday at midnight CST.
I don’t have so much trouble with saying no to the big things. Do you want to join this new group that meets every other Wednesday, or would you like to be on this committee? I can easily excuse myself from these things with just being busy at home with my kids. When the big things come up it is pretty easy to compare them with my priorities and know that this isn’t what I am supposed to be all about right now.
It is the little things that I really have trouble saying no to. It is those days that my mother-in-law calls in the middle of our school time, or when I get asked to do this-one-little-thing-just-real-quick. . . Cause I know when I answer the phone I am not really going to put it down for an hour, no matter how many times I set the timer and say I will only take 10 minutes. Or it is answering that one more e-mail. . . Not that any of these things are bad things, just that they take away from the thing that is supposed to be my priority.
How is it that I let those little things derail my day? I would much rather my day get derailed curled up on the sofa with my children and a good book or out working on a project with my dear husband.
The Bible says “thou shall not steal.” Well, for many years I was stealing. Not things, but time. Once I realized that to say “yes” to too many things was actually robbing time from the most important things, it gave me the freedom to say “no” without the guilt.
I can relate to what Annie said. It’s not the “big” commitments that are hard to say NO to – it’s the every day unexpected requests (especially from family) that I find myself agreeing to, wondering HOW in the world I am going to work it into my schedule.
Lately, I’ve been learning to say “I need to think (or pray) about it and discuss it with my husband first,” so I can take time to consider whether it’s actually do-able or not. My husband usually reflects some good points – and sometimes HE says “no” – but usually gives me the ability to decide after we discuss it. (When it comes to doing things with / for our extended family – we both have a harder time with saying “no” so that’s a challenge for both of us.)
Last year, due to several family circumstances, I had to say “No” to a large number of things – even commitments I had already made – and even though it was difficult, it was absolutely necessary and withdrawing was not as hard as I imagined. That gave me a lot more strength to say NO when new requests came along because I’d already said “No” and had learned how to keep my eyes set on what was needful.
Saying no has become easier for me after the bed rest and miscarriage I experienced earlier this year. I find that my whole perspective has changed and I am walking in the freedom to do what is most important and not worry about what others will think of me.
The irony of it is that the members of the church do not have unrealistic expectations of me as their pastor’s wife nor does my husband but I was keeping myself in a box of not wanting to seem uninterested.
Praise God for his continual working on me.
I completely agree with Annie. It is the little things that are more difficult for me to avoid losing time to. They are not necessarily bad things either, like the mother-in-law calling and she wants to talk, but it’s in the middle of the school day, or, let me admit it, the computer. Now that’s a BIG one! One way I plan for these things is to set an amount of time for them and/or assign a particular day. If I know there are limits to what I can do, I usually work harder during the time I have (more focus) and I also stick to limitations better. I need to invest in a timer or something and really respect the timer. Sometimes I find myself saying, “Just ten more minutes…” when I really need to just quit.
One thing I do to help me keep organized and not taking on too much is to write down the BIG things that MUST get done at the top of my list. I MUST call the doctor and schedule that appointment, I MUST take a meal to my neighbor. Then there are the things I want to do. I want to have the kids write poems for that contest. It’s a good thing, but if it does not get done, then we will be okay. I try to remember that people are more important than things and put the people things at the top of my list, like calling my eldery grandmother and reading to my kids. At the end of the day, I cross of what I did, and put the rest on the list for the next day. If it is now a MUST, then I move it to the top. With a schedule, it also gives me the authority to say, “Let me look at my schedule and see if I can fit it in,” and sometimes when I see all I have to do written down, it helps me say, “No.”
I agree with the idea of saying that you have to pray about things. That’s a good one and so important. God will give us all the time we need in a day to do what HE wants us to do. If there is not time for something, either it wasn’t something HE felt was needful, or you put something you shouldn’t have in it’s place. I mess up with that a lot, but I keep on trying and learning. I have definitely used the idea of going to my husband for his input, and then when he agrees that he doesn’t think I need to do that thing right now, I’ve gone back to the person and told them that Hubby does not want me to do it. Why are people more cooperative when you say that? I don’t know.
Something someone told me once was that if you look at people, those who are already busy are the ones who will say “yes” when you ask for help because they are doers. Maybe that’s why we keep getting asked to do things! Someone else said that if you always say “yes” to everything, you are keeping someone else from getting the blessing that helping someone else will give to the helper. So when you thoughtfully and prayerfully say “No,” you are just allowing someone who needs it to step up and receive the blessing.
Blessings to you,
Heather@BlessingsPourOut
Being conscious and aware of my priorities has always helped me to say no to the things which I need to. But like the others who have answered I am far less aware of those prioroties when the small decisions come along. It is a constant battle to keep remembering what things will keep me moving towards what I feel God is calling me, my husband and my family to be doing. I get so distracted by good things (and sometimes not so good 🙂 ). I’m also very aware that there is usually someone else who can do something if I can’t and that is a good thing.
During years of severe anxiety and depression, I got in the habit of not saying, ‘Yes’ because I just couldn’t – I could barely do what I needed to do at home. So, now that I’ve been healed, I am still in the habit of trying to focus on home. I find that I do too much running around for family things, even – I’d rather just be at home! Sometimes I do wonder how women at church are doing so much – either God has called them much differently than He has called me, or they’re spread awfully thin! 🙂
Juggling is not so much a problem any more. I need to go back a few years to explain.
It was about twenty to twenty five years ago that the Lord showed me what I needed to do. I was so busy doing any and everything I was asked, just thinking I was serving the Lord. At this point I was becoming wore out physically and emotionally, in other words I had “had it”, then the Lord moved me totally from it all and I had nothing to do, outside of my home, no computers then. It was then that I begin to realize just how bad off I was. Then with all the pressure gone, I felt oh so good. At that point I said, “I will never take on more then I can handle.”
Since then and now if I am asked to do something more, especially if its going to take a lot of time, I say, “Let me pray about it.” Which I do, to see if it is something the Lord wants me to get into, especially now with being older, I get tired so much more.
If it is something that will only take maybe a day, depending on what it is, I may say, “I think I can do that for you.”
I always try to be kind in rejecting any one and let them know that I just can not handle it at this time.
Since that time years ago, “most of the time” it has worked great, as long as I keep reminding my self to look to the Lord for guidance.
Nancy Lewis
I don’t know if this is a good thing or not, but I haven’t been getting asked to do things very often. =) There was a season in my life when I kept my schedule very simple. I didn’t add anything that didn’t further what I believed God was asking me to do. If I added anything, it was out of a sense of God calling me to that place. I tend to be someone who likes to start my own things, so I do things that I love doing (maybe I’m a control freak?)
Right now, I am still very selective about what I add to my schedule and only try to add those things that further our family’s goals. As I do so, I think others notice what I do get involved in and what I will participate in and those who are of the same mindset and heart are those that ask me to participate–and usually I will. Even though I don’t like to say no, I have gotten comfortable saying it. I think that people now think twice about asking me to do something! =) Again, I am not saying that is necessarily a good thing, but the things I have been asked to do have been in line with what the Lord’s goals are for our family. That has been the starting point–getting a good idea of what God wanted me to do with my time, how he wanted me to live out my priorities. Whatever didn’t fit, I either did not pursue or accept the invitation. And even if it would have been a good fit, if it was a long-term commitment that would cut into my other priorities in the long run, I either cut something else out before accepting it or did not accept it at all. It may sound harsh, but I think it has kept me sane! And even with all the things I don’t do, I am still behind! I can’t imagine what it would be like if I tried to add too much.
I remind myself that even our Lord Jesus did not do everything. I am sure there were many people who went unhealed. He had a sense of purpose and knew what to focus on for that moment–a focus that was born out of time with the Lord. I hope that I will be able to live like him, so that in the end I can say with confidence, “It is finished!”
Vera Christian
Oh wow! Carrie’s comment *totally* spoke to me. Evidently, I’ve been stealing time; though I’d never thought of it that way, it totally resonates with me.
So, here goes my attempt: “Thanks so much for thinking of me, but right now God’s got us working hard on school and the ministries we’re already involved in. Thank you for the opportunity!”
And for the small foxes that invade the garden: [turns phone off and ignores emails]
Probably need to work on that one….
UGGH!!! Do we have to talk about this? “Yes”. Do I have problems saying no? “Yes”. Has my day today been thrown off because I can’t say no? “Yes”. Anyone see a pattern? “Yes”. 🙂 I am such a “yes” girl and the worlds worst at trying to please everyone. I say “yes” way too much. The past 3 years my health has been in a nose dive because of the stress it brought. That did have its benefits though because people have stopped asking me to do so much. It just makes me mad at myself to know that if they hadn’t, I’d still be trying to do everything they asked.
One of the main things I am trying to work on now is to just stop doing things at the wrong time. But I really struggle with telling MYSELF “NO!” I have seen other posts here about all the little things that cause big problems. I can really relate! I am trying to divide my day into sections and only focus on certain things at certain times. Well, needless to say, I am not doing very well with that! Especially during school time. It never fails that I will try to get away with squeezing in just one little quick phone call while my youngest writes her spelling words or I’ll try sending a quick e-mail before I forget to tell good friend Suzie Q about the field trip. Let me squeeze in just a little load of laundry or a quick little clean-up of the bathroom. Surely I can answer the phone and it take just one little minute. Before I know it I have just run my day completely into the ground “one little minute” at a time. It’s completely crazy that I can’t tell myself “NO”.
I am going to try using a tactic on myself I used on my kids when they were younger. Replacing the word “No” with the phrase “Yes, but not right now”. Can I squeeze in a quick e-mail, phone call, or load of laundry? “Yes, but not right now”. It sounds like it might work in theory but in practice I am not so sure. The way my mind works, when it finally gets to be the appropriate time to tend to all the things that have popped up at the wrong time, I’ll forget what it was I was going to do. Ha!! Then I’ll think I have free time and just go take a nap! That sounds like a pretty good plan 🙂
I feel I can say no to the things outside the home fine. People ask if I or my children can do something and I look at the day and what’s happening and respond accordingly. It is when my children want to do something that I have the difficulty in saying no. I want them to have the experiences that are open to them. That’s one of the benefits of homeschooling. But as I look at my week I am constantly running one of them somewhere. We’ve looked at what we can stop doing, but everything is for something. My children are learning service by volunteering one day a week, they are preparing for their futures by other activities and jobs. In looking over everything we do, everything has a purpose. None of it is “just for fun.” Sometimes it’s just the season you’re in.
I’ve begun to look at my schedule and see that some things I feel I “should” be doing just aren’t working at this point in my life. For example, I joined a morning women’s Bible study at our church this past year. It seemed like a great idea… fellowship with other women, Bible study, a chance for my daughter to play with some of her friends. It turned out, though, that while I think it was good for a season, I was finding God tugging on my heart to spend more time at home and more time just simply in His word, rather than going through a study guide and trying to fill in blanks in time for the meeting. This year, then, I’m cutting that out and making a priority of establishing a consistant quiet time at home. It’s been wonderful. I’m using the results as a reminder to myself to continue to get back to the basics in life.
Hi Cindy!
I know this is a bit of an older post, but I wanted to chime in anyway :).
There is NOTHING like a season of depression to really hone the ability to say, ‘NO!’
After going through two bouts of postpartum depression I am incredibly hesitant to add anything but the essentials to my list of to-dos. I really have to examine every. little. thing. in light of God’s call on our family.
For example – my eight-year-old has been really wanting swimming lessons – this might make me sound like a bad mom – but when I consider how being outside of the home for an afternoon (we live in the boonies) completely throws off our schedule for days, I just can’t afford it! I have four little girls eight and under, so my priorities are still very, very simple. Feeding, cleaning, diapers, Bible, and our basic homeschooling subjects, along with a couple of afternoons set aside for business activities, and our day of rest. There is nothing like overwhelm and the dangers of comparison with ‘other families’ to throw me back into condemnation and the depression that follows.
Thankfully my Lord’s burden is light, and He HAS NOT called me to give my children ‘all that’ – only that which is needful. A loving mother in her right mind is worth countless swimming lessons in the long run :).
I hope a day WILL come when we can engage in more outside activities, but in this season it simply isn’t doable for us :).