Wondering what Mommy Homework is??? Each week you will have an “assignment” here to share in our comments here on this site. You will love this-both sharing AND enjoying answers by others. Some of them, I compile into an ebook (contributors can resell as a product of their own–be sure to submit your email and full name when you register so I can credit you appropriately!).
The result is AWESOME!
We get to know each other…we are encouraged in our journey…and we glean super ideas from other great moms!
Ready for this week’s MH? This is a good one!
Our topic this week is “Love Dares for Your Sons”
Your Assignment This Week…
Watched “Fireproof” yet? Elisabeth and I are curled up under quilts watching it yet again! WOW! This is truly my most favorite movie EVER!
I love, love, love the “Love Dares” from the dad. In fact, if you don’t have the book, grab it! It is the very best marriage book out there!
Back to Mommy Homework…
The next two weeks, I want to focus on really SAYING what we want for our children to KNOW as they grow into young adults–they are, you know! 🙂
This week, take some time to think about what you would like for your son to know about loving his wife. Give it some prayer time. Write it out. Then, share it here…AND, hand-write a letter to your son with YOUR “Love Dare” for him.
You may have a toddler before you. But, what do you want for his marriage some day? What do you want for him to remember when tough times hit? Write that “LOVE DARE” today…
Have fun! This should be a super assignment to read. I can’t wait! 
DIG IN!
I can’t wait!
Love ya!
Cindy
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Deadline–Friday at midnight CST.
Oh, this is one I have really been pondering lately. As I read `The Excellent Wife` by: Martha Peace.
I have begun praying for that wife & their marriage. I was advised, when they were little to begin praying then. I wish I would have.
You could really put the same list under each question:
(1)This week, take some time to think about what you would like for your son to know about loving his wife.
#1 Pray with ceasing for your wife, you & your marriage
#2 Read the Bible together as a couple
#3 Pray together
#4 `never give up`.
#5 Respect your wife-even over the kids
#6 Through your actions, let her see that you can be trusted
#7 Be kind, caring and compassionate
#8 Trust the Lord in `All` situations
#9 Teach your children to respect her
#10 Praise her often
#11 Love her as Christ loves the church
#12 Think of her more worthy than yourself
#13 Put her first in your marriage.
#14 Actively choose to love her.
(2) What do you want for him to remember when tough times hit?
#1 Pray with ceasing for your wife, you & your marriage
#2 Read the Bible together as a couple
#3 Pray together
#4 `never give up`.
#5 do not speak `Divorce` over your marriage
#6 Ask for forgiveness, quickly
#7 Be willing to forgive, quickly
#8 Do not go to bed before working disagreements out
(this is so true. If you go to bed angry that anger (bitterness) has a way of festering up)
#9 Respect your wife-even over the kids
#10 Through your actions, let her see that you can be trusted
#11 Be kind, caring and compassionate
#12 Put your confidence in the faithfulness of God and His Word.
#13 You do not have to go this alone, you can have the help of the indwelling Holy Spirit
#14 God is there to help you. He wants you to experience true fulfillment in your marriage.
#15 Focus on what you are suppose to be doing to please her, not on what your wife is suppose to be doing to please you.
#16 Keep your focus on God and He will see you through. You cannot do this in your own strength.
#17 Focus on the Lord Jesus and His purpose for your life rather than on yourself.
#18 God does care about you and your struggles. He will help you by His empowering grace.
#19 Remember God is the absolute authority. He gives you a road map for your marriage & life- His Word the Bible.
#20 Regardless of what your wife does, God is working in `your` life to conform `you` to the image of His son (Romans 8:29)
#21 Ask God to change your weaknesses into strengths
#22 Commit to the Lord to pursue a Biblical course of action.
#23 Take responsibility for your own failures.
#24 Ask God to show you the sin in your life.
#25 Achieving God’s purpose in marriage begins with one spouse.`getting the beam out of their own eye. (Matthew 7:3)
Michelle Fitzgerald
Since I don’t have a son, I’ll take this time to pray for my daughter’s future husband. She’s only 9, but it’s never too soon to start praying. 🙂
What I’m going to do for my children (not just sons) can’t be put here, Cindy! It would take up too much space! I don’t remember where I read it – I read all the time – but I read about a woman who purchased a Bible with a lot of wide margins, and she took a year off from her own Bible studies and read that Bible, underlining and highlighting and writing notes in the margins, and then presented that Bible as a gift to her daughter. What a precious keepsake that would be!! I plan on doing that for my children, to present to them on a special day when I feel they need it and would value it – probably when they’re over 16, since it will most likely have some of my own struggles and triumphs in it. But it will no doubt also have many messages on marriage, and child rearing, and life in general.
I know this doesn’t specifically answer the “Dare” so don’t worry about the credit thing. I just thought it was worth getting the word out about this idea! 🙂
I have 2 sons. The oldest will be 10 in a week and the other will be 2 in 2 months. They have a sister in between them and 1 on the way. I believe that they need to learn to treat their sisters and myself with respect in order to be able to know how to treat their future wives. A few things I want them to know:
Doing the laundry is a helpful thing.
Same with doing the dishes.
We don’t hit females no matter what they do to us 😉 She doesn’t have the right to hit (or provoke) you either but you never hit her.
Always listen to what she has to say and really listen, if you do not understand what she is trying to tell you ask questions in a respectful manner.
Pray with her and for her daily.
Understand that she is not your mother or your sister, but your wife/best friend/lover.
She is not your slave, but created to be a helpmeet to you.
There are times she will just want you to listen, do it. There are other times when will want your advice / encouragement.
Do NOT ever compare her cooking / cleaning to your mothers / grandmothers.
If you do not understand her words / actions, pray before you talk to her again.
~ Rachel
I’d say some good advice for my son is this…
God ordained your marriage and if you keep Him in the center of it you will do great. To keep Him in the center of your marriage He has to be the number ONE priority in your life and in the life of you spouse. And remember LOVE is a choice! You can choose to love your spouse throught the hard times (and there WILL be hard times). But your love will be stronger after you go through the hard times IF you walked through them all THREE of you (God, you, spouse). Also, I’ve seen it plenty from others… the grass is not really greener on the other side of the fence, so, stick to what God gave you and make your marriage work.
Lori Duncan
I have three daughters, so I pray for their future husbands and their families.
That the young men will be raised in strong Christian homes,
that they will be hard workers able to support my daughters,
that they ( the young men) are pro homeschooling for their children ( my grandchildren),
that the young men will be knowledgeable in home and car repairs,
that they will live close by,
that they are willing to “swim upstream” against society.
I too have read the Bible notes story, and always thought that was the neatest thing!
Thanks for reminding me!
~Marni Raney
This is something I have thought a lot about with my oldest that turned 20 this year.
What you would like for your son to know about loving his wife?
1. Make sure he understands that God is always the HEAD of the home no matter what.
2. Next to God comes his wife.
3. When choosing his wife I want him to watch how she reacts to:
a. her dad (do they fight all the time, if so she will probably fight with her husband)
b. her mother (how she treats her mother is how she will probably treat her mother-in-law)
c. how she treats her brothers, sister, and other small children is probably how she will treat her own.
4. Don’t ever go to bed angry at each other!!
5. Just because you are married doesn’t mean that the courtship should end. Many times couples hide while they are dating and try to act something they aren’t.
6. Never leave her without telling her that you love her and a kiss.
7. Be there for her when she is down and give her the strength that is needed.
8. Have a special time just for her and you to be able to talk about the day and pray.
9. Put her before going out with the guys. Check with her to make sure that she doesn’t mind.
10. If you homeschool back her up and help out.
11. Just because you are married doesn’t mean she is a slave and should do all the dirty work. You are partners, a team, do things together and things will run smoother.
12. If she has punished a child, stand behind her, even if you might not agree. Don’t let the child(ren) see that you disagree.
What do you want for him to remember when tough times hit?
1. Remember no matter what happens God is still there to walk with you. “When you see only one pair of footprints, He is carrying you.”
2. Remember your wife is your best friend and she is there to pray, cry, laugh with you. It is better to talk about things than hold them in.
3. Remember the two hardest words to say at times “I’m sorry”.
4. When things get tough, as they always do at times, remember that your Bible is your guide book.
5. If you start doubting yourself and why you got married, sit down and write down all the many things you appreciate about your wife. Then surprise her and put it in one of your favorite spots, your bed; pillow; kitchen; mirror, etc.
6. Find verses in the Bible or even favorite encouraging sayings, write them down and tape them on places all over the house where everyone can see them and remember that as a family you can pull through the toughest of times.
7. Remember your vows and that the “divorce” word is NEVER an option. When you vowed before God, church and family that is a promise and that is what you should always hold to, even when it looks like everything is falling apart.
There is so many more things that I would say to my sons but the most important of all is that they remember that God comes first in their lives. As the world seems to be getting rougher for the younger couples to stay together, I want to remind them that God NEVER changes and He will help them to stay committed no matter what their friends or family members may do.
Blessings,
Orilla Crider
This is a good assignment. We actually shared some of these things with our son when he turned 13. I totally agree and echo Michelle’s list so instead of repeating them I think I’ll list some different ways…
I would encourage them to PLAY and have FUN together. My husband and I loved playing tennis, softball, baseball, boardgames, throwing the frisbie, collecting shells on the beach…something together. Now here is the KEY to it working…in my opinion, games can get a bit competitive, but it cannot and should not get MEAN. In fact, playing games with guys in college was a quick and easy way for me to size them up. Some would literally get mad or pouty because the girl won, or would “show their emotions” if they made a bad shot or whatever. We enjoyed the exercise, the laughter and many times these were FREE activities if played at a local park. You notice I mention this in past tense….we are at a time when it’s tougher and tougher for us to get out and play. That’s when some of these other ways to show love come in….
Enjoying a hobby or activity together. Always be willing to try something new! And then it can be YOURS to enjoy together. Last year on our 20th anniversary, he took me to the pottery place to paint a vase together. I HATE to paint (too type A) and initially thought it would be a disaster and not very pretty to look at. Well…it’s my favorite thing! And we laughed and had the best time together painting amidst all the “kids parties” that also happened to be going on that day.
Really get to know each other’s likes. It may be a favorite author or movie…a favorite flower…even a favorite food that you could cook for her. Sometimes you think you know a person, but it’s not until you talk about it that you really know. There are great books out there on conversation starters, and you’ll learn ways to love each other that you might not have known before.
Another very important way to show your love is through good finances and security. Larry Burkett….Dave Ramsey are all authors that our children will know before setting up their own homes. So many marriages have problems because of money. If you are providing for your family and also saving for the future, there is security in that. And…another simple thing is having files set up telling exactly where life insurance/wills/bank accounts…all those important documents are located in the event something happens to a spouse.
When things aren’t so good….:
Well…one of the best pieces of advice we heard was at a Wayne Watson concert. He said he always remembered, “There’s no way out.” Not in a negative sense…but instead KNOWING that the other partner isn’t looking for the door in times of crisis helps so much. Troubles will come, and again, prayer, God’s Word, advice from wise counsel does so much. But having the added sense of security that divorce is not an option helps in those rough times. (obviously there are situations which call for divorce…abuse…etc…..I’m referring to the typical hard times all marriages face). And…don’t be afraid to ask for help. Some churches have staff members trained in counseling…others even have paid counselors on their staff. Much more affordable than private counseling.
A few of years ago my son asked me why I would butter his dad’s bread and yet he had to do his own.
My answer to that was that I was dad’s wife!!
My sons decision to have a wife was made in that instant! He too wanted a wife who would butter his bread. My son was about 8 at the time!!
This became a family joke, but it also had a serious side……………..
Each time there was bread to be buttered we thought and talked about his wife and often held her up in prayer.
One day he asked me “what if my wife won’t butter my bread?” This lead to a conversation about reasons why his wife many not want to or be able to butter his bread.
Like having a different ethnic background, a Pakistani wife for instance might want to give him chapattis instead which need no buttering – so we prayed that if his wife to be came from a family who followed a different religion both her and her family would be saved.
Or having a physical impairment which lead us to pray for the health, well being and protection from accidents of his future wife. It also lead on to a conversation about taking up the strain of doing things which your spouse was unable to do and the attitude you should have to doing it – with a servants heart and not with a “martyr’s” moan.
One day my oldest daughter had come for dinner and the “bread thing” came up. She was quite disgusted that I was bringing up such a “chauvinist”.
We then explained to her that although a wife may choose to do many things in order to be a helpmeet to her husband his role was much harder….
As marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church a husband has to be prepared to lay down his life for his wife.
Not many husbands lay down there lives all in one go, but being a good husband is a matter of laying down your life one moment at a time………..
My son has learned that he can start loving his wife before he ever meets her and as a sign of that love at Easter last year at the age of 11 he put on a silver ring and took a vow of purity. One day when he replaces it with a wedding ring he can give the silver ring to his wife as a reminder of the love he has had for her ever since he first decided he wanted a wife and started to pray for her.
There are many things I want him to know about how to treat his wife, but I know that if he holds her up in prayer then the Lord can teach him far more than I ever could.
P.S.
I have prayed for her along with him but I have also prayed for myself……That when the one who is to be his helpmeet comes along I will be given the grace to let him go – so that he may leave us and cleave to her as the Lord intends!
We do not know who she will be but we have the confidence that God has made her as the perfect partner for my son.
Angela Marchington
My husband and I watched Fireproof for Valentines day and it had us both in tears. What a blessing it was. I have already recommended it to a friend whose marriage is struggling and have another friends who I am going to lone it to, with hopes that it will save her marriage also.
Since I don’t have any sons, I will tell you how I would like my daughters husbands to treat them, as I assume next week will be our love dares for our girls.
I want my girls to know that they should be treated as their father has treated them. They deserve nothing less. We have instilled in them treat others as you would want to be treated, so this should be a key for them. I want them to marry a man whose heart is with God. I didn’t the first time and it failed miserably. Second time around, God blessed me with a wonderful, God fearing, God loving man. My girls need the same.
Next week I hope the question is geared toward Love Dares for our daughters.
THanks,
Shannon Depew
I already see many wonderful traits in my boys, which I am very proud of! I also see traits I pray that they allow the Lord to change. Though there are several things I try to encourage and instill with them, I think the main teaching should be to follow the Lord. These young men need to know the word of God and be able to apply it and be stedfast in Bible study and prayer; to be “sold out” for Jesus Christ! If this is accomplished, then I think each will be “moldable” as a husband, to be what God wants him to be!
Tina K
My son is very young and has already stated that he does not want to get married. And I am afraid that’s my fault. When I was married to his father, we fought a lot. His introduction to marriage was a very unhappy one. I saw Fireproof in an advanced screening over the summer and I ‘heard’ God telling me that He wanted me to reconcile with my ex-husband. One of the songs from the movie is called “Love is Not a Fight” and my son took to that song so much that we listened to it over and over. This tugged at my heart immensely. Anyway, my ex and I are now reconcilling – it is hard! Even so, my son has not changed his opinion of marriage. I know that will take time. It is my sincere hope and prayer that my ex and I will become THE letter for him to ‘read’ on marriage.
My ex is working on the Love Dare and I am working on Cindy’s “Marriage 911.” I am still learning what it means to be a good wife. But what I would want my son to know about how to treat and love his wife would include:
* Pray with and for her;
* Talk with her;
* Snuggle with her;
* Be her champion;
* Praise her work;
* Be a hands-on dad;
* Remember birthdays and anniversaries;
* Romance her;
* Love her completely and totally – modeling that love on that of Jesus
I know there are many more things I will want my son to know, so I need to work on my own relationship and give him the right example to follow.
Heather (TGMama)
I want my sons to know that God has given us marriage as a beautiful picture of Christ and the church. My sons need to treat their brides as precious gifts from God, priceless treasures. They need to dare to love their future spouses as Christ loves the church – perfectly and completely. They need to know that the “d” word (divorce) is never an option, God in His sovereignty can work miracles in any situation. Most importantly they need to always put their future spouse and her needs before their own and be willing to lay down their life for their spouse if that were needed.
I want my sons to be grounded in the Word so that when trouble comes His truth quickly comes to mind. They are to know that they are the head of the house, which means that they are to lead their wives spiritually.
I want them to know how to honor their wives, to treat them as the more fragile vessel, to cherish them.
Always to remember that marriage is something that is a continual work. You can’t just glide in it.
Thanks,
Teresa
Considering where I am we have not seen Fireproof nor am likely to until later in the year when we get out of here on a vacation. It sure does sound good though. So I am not sure what you mean by Love Dares but am looking forward to learning about it.
We have prayed for our childrens marriage partners since they were young. Encouraged them in the way they think about how to let the Lord lead them to that partner.
Sharing with my sons as I teach them how to do the basics needed in the home is such a good time to talk about the impact that doing something different to the ways of the world can share not only a wonderful marriage but also the glory of the Lord.
Having sisters to protect and help has been such a wonderful learning curve for them in how they need to treat their future spouse should God choose marriage for them
Loving their wives may involve cooking cleaning and washing as well as looking after little ones if the wife is on bed rest while pregnant or for many other reasons. What a blessing they can be to her if the house does not fall apart. Imagine they can cope! 🙂