Dare to Protect!

I was just editing audios from our recent Back to School Blast 2008 Seminar Set. WOW! They are just incredible!

As I was editing, I ran across a question that just moves my heart so intensely. I think it is because it seems just like yesterday when I faced this question in my own home and wondered just what it should look like in my home. The question was about whether we can be TOO PROTECTIVE of our children. Deep one, huh? This is such a good question! I have been pondering how to express my answer to that question since we “chatted” about it that night. My thoughts just race. So stick with me…

As I sit on this side of childhood with my children, there is one thing that definitely DO NOT REGRET. Yep! You have got it–protecting my children. Sometimes it was very, very tough.

For the record…

I saw those glares. Yes, people were quite interestingly more judgmental of my guarding my children than of the innocent little children being left at home for hours without a mom. Yep, I overheard when people made rude remarks about our children being required to sit with us during all church services when other children (whose parents were BUSY at church) were turned loose and always found running around tripping the elderly at church, passing notes in the middle of the service, talking OUT LOUD to each other in church, and far too often, doing things that they should not EVER, EVER do, much less in church! People were very bold to tell me that my children would HATE ME (pretty strong word) for “exasperating” them with our close family life–still makes my head spin. Oh, I heard every single comment about homeschooling ruining my children. I was not brain-dead about the sly remarks and out-right opinions about my teens not being allowed to date (at 13…or 14…or 15…0r 17….) or drive until they were 17.

On January 3rd of this year, I entered the ranks of mothers who have shot forth their arrows into our culture. My son left that day for Army Bootcamp at Ft. Benning, GA.

Tough is not the word. It has been a crash-dunk into a new season of my life. By the way, I DO love this season. But, it is always tough to move from a season of life that is so amazing. I have loved the teen years. These have been the best years ever. I really GOT THEM DOWN! I knew what to expect. I loved our life! Going on into this new season is filled with so many UNKNOWNS. It is always a completely DIFFERENT day and a completely DIFFERENT experience–the Army makes that even MORE colorful! (ha!) Then, you get to the real root of the problem–I have to MAKE myself embrace change! ha! That is always tough. 🙂

Back to what I am sharing. As I said my “goodbyes” and had to walk away that night to leave my son to pursue HIS DREAMS, I was flooded with soooo many memories, emotions, and thoughts. It continued throughout the entire time of Bootcamp and even into Airborne, especially in Airborne.

Want to know what the toughest part was? My role as Matthew’s protector was over. It would never be the same again. He was “officially” his own head. He was no longer under the authority and protection of our home. Sure, I still have a small role in alerting him to dangers and being that prayer warrior. But, it all changes. Even after he marries, it will change a bit more. More of that role of protecting from the dangers of life will transfer to his precious bride. My role will be completely different.

Ok…why do I tell you this?

This is your call! This is your role!

Mothers are called by God to be protectors in their homes. Women are called by God to be a keeper of their home. You have probably read Titus 2: 3-5. However, so often there is so much focus put upon the aspect of BEING AT HOME and WHAT YOU DO INSIDE of the home (which are very, very important teachings–another day, I promise!:)) that very little focus is put upon one of the most important things that we DO for our homes–to keep guard of our homes and each family member from our husbands to our children to all who enter our homes. Yes, part of the definition is to keep a guard over our homes. Those of us who are older are commanded in that passage to teach a FULL MESSAGE of how to be a faithful godly woman. I think it is more important today than ever!

I remember when the children were little how God spoke soooo vividly through one of my quiet times. I was reading Titus 2. I love to look up words when I am studying my Bible. You would THINK that I would know the meaning of KEEPER used in Titus Two. It was a GOD-MOMENT that led me to look it up. Here it is from Strong’s Concordance:

Strong’s–3626

oikouros {oy-koo-ros’} from
3624 and ouros (a guard, be “ware”); adj AV – keeper at home 1; 1 1) caring for the house, working at home 1a) the (watch or) keeper of the house 1b) keeping at home and taking care of household affairs 1c) a domestic

A guard. She is aware of all that goes on–Proverbs 31: 27. She is keeps her family safe. She guards them against temptations. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary deepens this meaning:

Keeper–One who keeps; one that holds or has possession of any thing; One who retains in custody; One who has the care, custody or superintendence of any thing.

Look at the Webster 1828 Dictionary’s definition of guard:

GUARD–to keep, to keep or preserve

1. To secure against injury, loss or attack; to protect; to defend; to keep in safety. We guard a city by walls and forts. A harbor is guarded by ships, booms or batteries. Innocence should be guarded by prudence and piety. Let observation and experience guard us against temptations to vice.

2. To secure against objections or the attacks of malevolence.

3. To accompany and protect; to accompany for protection; as, to guard a general on a journey; to guard the baggage of an army.

5. To gird; to fasten by binding.

GUARD, v.i. To watch by way of caution or defense; to be cautions; to be in a state of defense or safety. Guard against mistakes, or against temptations.

GUARD, n. [Eng. ward.]

1. Defense; preservation or security against injury, loss or attack.

2. That which secures against attack or injury; that which defends. Modesty is the guard of innocence.

3. A man or body of men occupied in preserving a person or place from attack or injury; he or they whose business is to defend, or to prevent attack or surprise. Kings have their guards to secure their persons. Joseph was sold to Potiphar, a captain of Pharaoh’s guard.

4. A state of caution or vigilance; or the act of observing what passes in order to prevent surprise or attack; care; attention; watch; heed. Be on your guard. Temerity puts a man off his guard.

5. That which secures against objections or censure; caution of expression.

Advanced guard,

Van guard, In military affairs, a body of troops, either horse or foot, that march before an army or division, to prevent surprise, or give notice of danger.

Rear guard, a body of troops that march in the rear of an army or division, for its protection.

Life guard, a body of select troops, whose duty is to defend the person of a prince or other officer.

Are those good or what? So…what does this have to do with our children?

We are called to protect our children. It is more than an option! It is an ESSENTIAL!

Titus 2: 3-5 has always interested me. Don’t you think it is interesting that we would be told as older women to teach the younger women how to LOVE their husbands and children? How to be a keeper of the home? On and on?

My first thoughts were that I just LOVED Harold. I LOVED him from the moment I saw him, didn’t I? 🙂

Actually, I think it is interesting that as we get older, we realize that there are things that really do not come as natural and easy as we might think at first. At least not a forever love. At least not a daily crucifying-the-flesh kinda love. At least not a balanced but firm protection over our homes and family.

Why?

The world is always, always bombarding us with so much chatter that distracts and easily misleads us from getting back to God’s design for real love, real protection of our homes, real godliness. The enemy has his pulse on the home. He KNOWS that protecting our home and family is vital! He loves to slip in and mislead. If you think he was finished at the garden, you might want to look around! He is alive and well. Just try protecting the children. You will hear it! I promise!

But, what if you listen? Read my dear friend’s email:

Hi Cindy and Elizabeth. Last night I finally got the courage to do what I knew I should have already been doing. This morning I talked to my daughter and thought she would be really upset but she actually said that she would rather not have sleepovers b/c of the things that have been said. She said she can’t get those things out of her mind and was crying and said she didn’t want to be in that position anymore. I told her how Eliabeth said she was grateful now and understands why now and that she was glad her parents protected her. My daughter liked hearing that. It is amaing at how much wisdom an 11 year old girl can have if you don’t approach them in a manner that says, Ok, we are no longer having sleepovers and that’s that. I think if I would have approached it differently, it might not have turned out so well. Anyhow, I just wanted you both to know that you have really helped me and my daughter. I just wish I could erase those thoughts from her mind… I am and will be praying for her but feel devastated that I even let it happen. All could have been prevented just by having no sleepovers in the first place. I did tell my friend and she said she could respect my decision but it would be devastating to one of her daughters, who really has never done anything wrong, but I don’t want to always be having to choose who can and cannot stay. We are just making the rule of no sleepovers. Thanks girls so much!

WOW! There were already some ramifications–slight, but you never know how powerful they could be in the life of a child if this precious friend had not heard the voice of God saying, “BEWARE. STOP. CHANGE NOW.” What COULD have happened over the years?

Well, I know that some of you know the answer to that all too well. Letters pour into our office all the time about what can happen. One mom shared how she was not watching what her teen daughter was doing over the internet until one day she disappeared. She had run away to be with the person she had been “chatting” with on the internet. Her message to you today? Dare to protect!

Just the other day a friend of Elisabeth’s confided in her that it was at a simple sleepover that a NEIGHBORHOOD teen pulled her aside and raped her while all of the kids were playing that night. She was 13 and had kept that secret all these years. It was affecting everything, including her dream to be a godly wife and mother one day. Her message to you today? Dare to protect!

Yes, protecting our children is so very important.

We don’t get this time back. Our choices today are building their tomorrows. What happens if we drop the ball? What happens if we cave into the pressures?

First, NOBODY REALLY CARES! Do you know that? They may make really stupid comments. They may press and push you for your reasons as if those are never sufficient and they hope you will SEE THAT. They may try to put fears on you like, “THEY WILL HATE YOU!” “JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY GET A LITTLE FREEDOM!” “YOU ARE EXASPERATING YOUR CHILDREN!” On and on. Can I tell you that these are all lies from the enemy? Your children need you! Just like the fox loves to sneek into the hen house, the enemy LOVES to sneek into the home. The purpose is the same–to devour and destroy! The opinions of others is far too often a tool of the enemy. He uses it to beat you down. He uses it to bust through doors that he could not get through with any other tool. Please remember that those same people making those comments will also make very hurtful comments about how YOU ARE TO BLAME if something happens to your child or if your child goes down a wrong path. They really do not care! Dare to protect!

Secondly, YOU ARE BUILDING MORE THAN YOU THINK! Boy, there have been some tough decisions for me through the years. It actually began when they were babies and I decided to keep them in church with me. Talk about the people who were OFFENDED! They could not get their minds around my choice. It had NOTHING to do with them and everything to do with training my children up faithfully. They were not silenced until the kids were both saved at 5 years old and they saw them sitting in church “taking notes” and behaving. Still, as the years went by, the same people gave us a hard time for our children NOT sitting with the youth. (Guess they don’t know how beautiful a godly family sitting together at church is TO ME!) We took the flack. Now, one of my favorite gifts from my children is when my son comes home from on leave and we have my whole family, including my beautiful daughter-in-love-to-be with me on my pew. My VISION is for the days that I will have my pew full of little grandchildren…and maybe even great-grandchildren. All through the years, I have been building a legacy! Today, that legacy is already a blessing to me. I have taught my children from their infancy to love God and to love family. It was more than the choice of whether my children would be sitting in church or going to the nursery/children’s church. SOOOO much was taught and trained into my children as they sat with me in church. Oh! I knew it. Some of my sweetest and most impressionable moments were sitting with my mom and dad in church. I loved everything from watching them devour the Word to watching tears stream down their faces as they prayed to being taught how to “copy” words into MY notebook. So much of who I am came from my parents choices. I was watching them and learning from them. They were training me up in the way that I would go with my own life! It was the same with my children through the years. The choices that I have made have bent them in the direction that they should go. Now, so much of who my children are has come from my choices. We build more than we think. It takes tough, tough choices along the way. And, not everybody will get it along the way. It is work building. Dare to protect!

Thirdly, YOUR CHILDREN WILL THANK YOU! The toughest choices through the years came with decisions that were at odds with my own children. As they entered the teen years, I became as much of a student as a mother. During my teen years, I thought A LOT different from how my children thought during their teen years. There were times that I missed it. There were also times that my children needed for me to stand hard and firm. Talk about a tough balance! BUT! We must be diligent during these years! Love, boundaries, and accountability do not exasperate, they give security. Don’t stop mothering! Don’t stop protecting! They need you more than ever! Long before your children enter the teen years, learn from parents who have a good relationship with their teens and adult children. They are the ones to watch. Let them teach you. If you will learn from them, you will find that there are things that have to be taught from birth to insure smooth days during the teen years. Decisions that are left for later only result in struggle–dating, driving, friends, sleepovers, on and on. Don’t make those decisions in those years. Make those decisions LONG BEFORE you get there and train them into your children! My daughter is about to turn 18. For the past few years, out of no where, she will come up and say, “THANKS FOR LOVING ME!” Almost always if I ask her what that is all about, she will tell me a long, long story about a friend who feels that their parents do not care and do not love them because they have just let them go and do not set protective boundaries. Just the other night, Elisabeth came in and told me about a conversation between about 5 of their friends. 3 of them, including Elisabeth, were talking about how much their parents love them. They talked about how their parents “checked up” on them (those cell phones, computers, and to see if they ARE where they are supposed to be!)… still grounded them when they crossed the lines…etc. The other two just lamented about how they wish their parents REALLY CARED about them. Want to know who was exasperated? Yes, as a parent, you do wonder about those things that people say about the protective parent. The most important thing at the end is what your children will say. At the end, all of those emotional responses will be gone. They WILL KNOW like you know. Then, they WILL thank you! Dare to protect!

Finally, YOU CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT! Taking you back to January 3rd. As I walked away that night, I felt that change that was happening in our relationship at that moment. Yes, it was tough. I had stepped up to the call as a keeper of my home to protect my child for 21 years. I had made tough choices because I had a vision for what I wanted for my child’s life. I saw the responsibility for protecting my children as being God’s protector for them. All through the years, I was learning to be “like Christ,” “like the Holy Spirit,” “like the Heavenly Father” as I took care of my little ones. On January 3rd, I had to walk away, putting Matthew FULLY in God’s hands. Not that I ever thought he was in any way OUT of God’s hands. No, he was in God’s hands all along. Yet, for that season, I was discharged with the great call to protect and keep guard over Matthew. I was to protect him like a mother hen protects her babies–with my life if need be. Funny, how that mother hen gives us a picture of El Shaddai–our Lord. He IS the “breasted-one.” He is the cleft of the rock. He is the shelter in the midst of storms. He is Almighty…all powerful…the Lord of hosts! As I walked away, I felt God saying, “Well done, beloved daughter. You have been faithful. You have done your work as a Keeper of my precious one, now I will go where you cannot go. I have a special plan for Matthew. I have taught you all along the way how to protect him. I have been the One Who showed YOU HOW to protect him. You CAN completely trust me with his very life. You can now sleep well at night!” Oh! God has shown me His power and His protection in a mighty way this year. I think it is my lesson for this year. He goes where I cannot go. Praise God! That is important to a military-mom! I have absolutely confidence in his protection of my son. Why? Because I dared to protect. I know MY HEART. How much more can I know HIS HEART? I can trust completely in Him.

All through the years, God wanted for me to be a protector of my children. Now, as childhood comes to a close and my children enter into adulthood, I have no regrets! I am thankful that God gave me the privilege to protect my children for this small season.

My beloved friends, dare to protect! There are many things that can be undone. Yet, there is an enemy who is always on the prowl. He is lurking. He wants for you to drop your guard. He wants to devour your precious children. KNOW THAT! This is not to be taken lightly! Step up to the call to be a keeper of your home. Dare to guard. The day is coming when you will shoot forth your arrow into the culture. Will they be ready to hit the mark? Will you be able to sleep on the decisions that you have made? Oh, beloved! Dare to protect!