Wondering what Mommy Homework is??? Each week you will have an “assignment” here to share in our comments here on this site. You will love this-both sharing AND enjoying answers by others. Some of them, I compile into an ebook (contributors can resell as a product of their own–be sure to submit your email and full name when you register so I can credit you appropriately!).
The result is AWESOME!
We get to know each other…we are encouraged in our journey…and we glean super ideas from other great moms!
Ready for this week’s MH? This is a good one!
Our topic this week is “Living Out the High Call of Proverbs 31”
Your Assignment This Week…
Oh! I LOVE this question! I can’t wait to see your responses! This week, let’s get a good look at YOU and what YOUR life is like…
Annie Johnson asked the perfect question for our Mommy Homework for this week. (Annie, you win a Talk-a-Latte Season Pass –THANKS–Just email me to redeem your gift!!!)
–> Is it possible to live a life that resembles Proverbs 31? How do you do it? What does Proverbs 31 look like in your life?
Sweet friends, take a few moments and really share how YOU are reaching for this high call. NO BEATING YOURSELF UP! Peek at Proverbs 31–that is NOT a DAILY SCHEDULE. She is not even super-mom–she HAD help! Instead, she lifts before us a picture of a life that was lived intentionally–A LIFE.
So, is it possible? How are YOU reaching for this call? What does it look like in your life? PS–Let’s get real with each other about how we are reaching for godly womanhood–TODAY. 🙂
I am soooo excited to read these! There is just NOTHING like looking into other homes to learn from other godly women. So, grab your cup of coffee and dig into this one!
Ready? Get going! This is going to be GOOD! 
Ready? Dig in!
Love,
Cindy
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PPS! You CAN just share and not participate in Mommy Homework, BUT I would LOVE for you to get some goodies along the way!
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Deadline–Friday at midnight CST.
I think the only thing that keeps me from pulling out my hair when trying to “live up” to this chapter is the fact it is actually from a mother to her son. It is a what to look for in a future wife as well as a “goal chart” for those of us are wives and mothers.
This woman in Prov 31 worked inside and outside of the home, she bought and sold real estate, she farmed, and (my favorite) had servant girls. As a young wife I had this chapter quoted to me by my dh one time to many as how I was not measuring up, I told him as soon as he sat at the gates and provided my servant girls we could get started. Now, I know, that is not the Pr 31 woman response and I do not reccomend using it, however neither one of us were living for the Lord at the time so it did accomplish what I had hoped, I have never heard that again from my dh. Again, I do not reccomend this response, I was sharp tounged and according to Pr my dh would have been better off on the corner of a roof.
Notice in Pr 31 woman’s mothering skills, her children were not lazy, in other words she was training them to be productive adults. This was my failing for my older 2 boys. I just did it all myslef, it was eaiser. Yes, it was easier for a year or 2, I am STILL reaping the mistakes of that mistake, and they are 22 & 20. I call my younger 2 my miracle babies, it is a miracle that God gave me 2 more after I messed up the first 2. It is better to invest the time now and have your children work by your side and have to take longer and even go over it again with them, I can see the results with my younger 2, they are 12 & 10. If you work with them now, they will rise and call you blessed one day, instead of calling you for a loan……I do like “clean-up” songs, all I have to do is threaten to play one, or worse sing one and they get moving!!!!!
I take Pr 31 slowly, and carefully, one day at a time. For me it is more of a reference check, to check my heart attitudes, other wise my OCD tendencies would cause a serious anxiety attack…..
Sheryl
Our daily schedule
I am going to start off by saying that I must be terrible at describing our routine, because everyone is always telling me that our life is too hectic and etc etc. It really isn’t though, and the kids obviously know what to expect and when, because when something throws off our happy home system, they REALLY get off kilter, so they apparently are used to something regularly! I also highly doubt there is another family out there exactly like ours. But there might be someone that needs to know someone can relate to them and we are partially there, so here goes…
I am Sheryl, age 37. I am a disabled mom of ds13 and dd7 (I am specifying step-daughter because there are issues with routine with biomom). Both my kids are 2E (ds is gifted and aspies/ADHD & dd is gifted & ADHD & ? yet diagnosed). While I always felt my personal educational pursuits & intern jobs were because I was going to get a degree and become a social worker, I now see that God was preparing me well for my children. I am thankful I can be with them and I know and understand what they need. J I only have a few good hours where we can spend doing errands, or working on schoolwork that requires my assistance, etc. We do a strange sort of guided eclectic not quite unschooling. Our routine is different depending on the day. We get up and the children do their morning routines. These include taking their meds, making their beds, eating breakfast, cleaning their room, brushing hair, brushing teeth etc. This is all to be done within one hour of getting up (though on bad days as any mother of an autistic can tell you it might take all day) and should be done WITHOUT my having to chase after them about it. Ds still can’t keep hair brushed (motor control issues, so we keep it trimmed extremely short to pass on this need). They may not ask for privileges until morning routine is done. Depending on the day we then have co-op, lessons, errands, etc. As I said, we are eclectic, but they always know what is expected of them during that time period. We usually do Hands of a Child Co-ops because they are all inclusive to cover everything except high school level math my son needs. Whatever we’re studying, I teach both children the same subject at the same time. When they apply it individually they then do individual level work (both are above grade level in everything except ds’s writing, which he struggles with). Ds does more internet research, while dd does more creative writing and artwork. If they do what’s expected, then they may have privileges. We have a gameboy they like to earn time on and Caitlin likes to earn special TV shows. Educational programs I have approved are free, weird Disney/Nick stuff is only on approval and has to be earned. They have Tae Kwan Do several days per week. When they get home from that, then dinner is made. Usually while dinner is being prepared I have them route through the house looking for trash & recyclables (dd’s chore), other items that need cleared (lost dirty dishes, dirty clothes, etc – shared chore), help with dishes (ds’s chore). Eating dinner LITERALLY takes hours in our house because the kids are so picky. Ds is getting better now, but dd is still bad on this. It is starting to sink in that she is missing family time, which hopefully will finally get her motivated. We watch an appropriate program or play a game. Sometimes we go somewhere together. About an hour before bed they each start their bedtime routines. These are similar to AM, brush hair, brush teeth, get PJ’s on, take meds, etc. They are to be ready for bed on time, or they lose a privilege, or get early bedtime next night. I simply can’t be chasing after them all the time. If they are done, they may quietly read until lights out. stay up a couple hours after because it takes me that long to relax. I use this time to answer emails, review next days lessons & print anything that MUST be printed (I’m a big fan of e-books & websites for no print materials) and whatever else I need to do. Then it’s bed for me. I must add that my health can interrupt our routine, and we have the benefit of Daddy being home 24/7 to aid in our routine right now. He does a lot of what *Mom* would usually do because I simply am physically unable to do it. He does not like to do co-ops or otherwise meet with folks he doesn’t know though, so we always hope I OK for those. It is a mixed blessing, but we work with what we have J. Dd’s bio-mom calls frequently and at whatever time of day OR night she prefers. Her in person visitation is supposed to be once per week, but she cannot keep to this schedule, so we work with her on what she can for dd’s sake. We will be moving soon and then these visits will be once per week phone and once per quarter in person. Ds’s bio-dad was out of the picture until quite recently. He is supposed to email ds once per month. We have arrangements for ds to call and speak with his half-brother once per week on the weekends (previously wasn’t allowed contact, so we are trying to see if he can get to know him). I think that’s it.
When I read all this woman did, I want to hide in shame! I know in my heart that all she did was what I want to be doing; yet I come so short! I missed the proper training in the “homemaking” end of life and still I suffer from that lack.
Because I know the struggles this lack has caused me , I have made a very deliberate effort to disciple Rachel, age 11, in the things I missed.
I am trying to learn alot I never knew or lived out before, and pass these on to her.
I do make a point to be the first one up in our family. This gives me time to be alone with the Lord and His word, to get things squared away for daily household matters, etc.
I am very aware that Rachel is an extention of myself and of my hubby. For this reason , my heart beats with an awareness that time spent building her life now, will result in her having the life skills she will need to be a Prov.31 wife for her future hubby.
Is the Prov. 31 life possible? It has to be; why else would the Lord have included it as a model for us in His word? Like any other command of scripture it must be accomplished as we live out our lives by faith, with a heart that strives to please Him in all things.
Johanna Morisey
Well I am far from the goal of the Proverbs 31 lady, but I love reading it.
I love being at home taking care of my husband, children, and household. She made money for her household, while I don’t have opportunity to make much money for my us, I have temendous opportunity to SAVE money for us!
Too me, the Proverbs 31 example is so important. I have 3 sons and 1 daughter. I need to live out the best I can an example of what a wife and mother is for both my sons and my daughter.
She was a hard worker, she was a total blessing to her husband ( this is where I need work,) and a blessing to her children. Above all, she loved the Lord.
As far as living Proverbs 31 we are going to make mistakes! However, our goal should be a love and fear of the Lord, love our husband, being completely trustworthy, and only wisdom and kindness coming from our tongue. I still have a huge sarcasm problem that really needs work.
Sheri Devan
Is it possible to be a Proverbs 31 woman, verbatim? No, probably not. Different women are gifted in different areas – I couldn’t sew a pillowcase to save my life. Could I run a home business? I can and I will in about a year. The SPIRIT of the Proverbs 31 woman is doable, as a lifetime overall-goal. Probably not as an everyday “must be this way” goal. She’s one of those examples to emulate, for sure.
How does it look in my life?
It doesn’t.
Just kidding. Sort of. I’m not that great at doing any of the things listed in Proverbs 31, even in spirit. I could take the easy way out and say that I’m still kind of a baby Christian compared to others (7 years) but would that excuse work with Jesus? I think not. 🙂 I DO get up in the morning to have time with God and plan my day. That’s about the only thing I do that she does, that I have down most of the time. Other than that, I’m definitely a work in progress. Much, much, much, much work in progress for a long, long, long, long time to come! lol
I just finished a study on the P31 woman at church. Every week I was suppose to walk away feeling uplifted, but I tended to walk away feeling more like a failure then when I got there. 🙁 What it did encourage me to do was help my daughter to grow to be a virtuous wife. She’s only 13, so we have plenty of time. I also know what to start reading to my sons when they are about 16, so they will set their standards high.
I believe my husband’s heart safely trusts me. I provide food for my household, but I have no maidservants. I considered a field & bought it, but the market crashed & I did not make a profit. My lamp stays lit late into the night, but I don’t know if I’m doing things that are as productive as they should be. (oops) I do extend my hand to the poor & needy. I’m not afraid of snow, but I do live in FL. 🙂
I have a lot of work to do, but I know now what I am striving for. Every week the leader of the group would tell us that we are to be encouraged by P31, not discouraged. It would be pretty impossible to be as awesome as she was, but God is ok w/ us not being perfect. He’s shone us what to strive for, & all we can do is try.
Several weeks ago at a Talk-a-Latte, Elisabeth was on there talking about how her mother sheltered & disciplined them. As I was listening to her I actually said out loud to myself, “Wow. Her children rise up and call her blessed.” (Proverbs 31:28) I also listened to Matthew when he was home on leave. It sounded to me like Cindy set the standard pretty high, & he knows the worth of a virtuous wife. Cindy, “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.” (Proverbs 31:29)
My poor little mind has trouble keeping track of everything the Proverbs 31 woman did! But I like to think that she didn’t do ALL that stuff on ONE day so that makes me feel somewhat better.
I always wanted to be a wife, mother and homemaker. I feel priviliged to be able to live out that part of my Proverbs 31 dream. I try to manage my priorities in this way…God, dh, children, other stuff. I TRY to make sure that Bible and intimate time with God gets priority. Then I try to do the things dh wants done. I am very blessed that my dh doesn’t care about a lot of things so I try to make sure that his requests/preferences are met. I feel that this includes housework, laundry, meals, etc. Then come my children; homeschooling, discipleship, training and self-education as their mommy/mentor/teacher. THEN other stuff; singing ministry at church, crafts, etc.
I don’t go about buying fields (at least I haven’t yet) but I do pursue some internet things that make money, I ebay some and I am very frugal with dh’s money (coupons, bargain shopping, etc.). I don’t make all of our clothes, but I am the one responsible for making sure that the children, dh and I are DRESSED.
The most important part of Proverbs 31, for me, is the part where her husband and children rise up and call her blessed. I can’t imagine the CHARACTER involved for that to happen. I struggle so much in this area. I really, really need to work on this.
I don’t have any daughters yet, but Lord willing I will someday. I think that the character part of the Proverbs 31 woman will be the first and most important part for me to teach her. If she has that down, then the rest will fall into place.
I struggle the most with laziness. The Proverbs 31 woman certainly WASN’T lazy!
Blessings,
Carie Shinn
What a question!
v. 11 My husband trusts me. He has me make most decisions pertaining to homeschooling, managing the home, raising the children, etc. not because he couldn’t do it, but because he knows I am capable and implictly trusts my judgment.
v.12 I strive to do good for my husband. I’m not perfect and must keep working here, but much has improved over the years as God continues to reveal things to me and I choose to apply it. It is truly amazing how well His ways work vs mine!
v.14 In an effort to feed my family the best food possible and according to how God has enlightened me, I obtain it from many sources – grassfed beef from a farmer about 60 miles away, true free-range chicken from another farmer about 90 miles away, raw grassfed cow butter from another farmer about 20 miles away, raw goat’s milk from yet another farmer, organic produce from a couple different natural grocers, organic Kamut grain and various other items from Breadbeckers co-op, reverse osmosis water from a natural grocer, etc.
v. 15 I am healing from fibromyalgia. As my health continues to improve I am able to rise before my family more often without detriment. It is a blessing to be capable of doing so. I love to spend those quiet moments with the Lord.
v. 16 I am planting seeds by being a servant to my family. I’m investing the life of my husband by being diligent at being a good wife and that of my children by persuing the lifestyle of homeschooling.
v. 17 As I heal from fibromyalgia, I seek to do more exercise.
v. 18 My lamp does go out at night. In order to be of use to anyone I must have rest. When I push the envelope things don’t go well.
v.20 This is an area I would like to do more in a personal way. There is a local after-school program for under-serviced children of the community that I hope to volunteer at with my children when my health is such that I can do so. In the meantime, I use the Internet, phone, etc. to encourage others God brings across my path. We have supported a child via World Vision for many years and various other causes over time. Another thing my family has done for years is to take very good care of all we own and then either give to it someone in need or donate it. I gives us great joy to think of the happiness others receive from obtaining virtually new items for free or very little cost – like unexpected treasure. We buy used items and enjoy such a find ourselves.
v.22 I can sew well, however, I find it is more economical to buy ready-made clothing. I do enjoy finding great quality for a low price and teaching my children the value of money and quality. Of course, this carries over to other purchases beyond clothing.
v.23 I have an incredible husband!! He is thought well of by all who know him at work, church, community, by family, etc. I’ve never known anyone who thought ill of him and that is not because he is a slick talker. He is a very loving, genuine, honest, caring, diligent, intelligent, hardworking, and respectful man. I even met girls he dated before me and none had anything but praises for him. What a gem! When I thank God for him it brings tears to my eyes every time. He is an immeasurable blessing from God in my life.
v.25 I wrap myself in the truth of God’s Word and my salvation. These give me strength and wisdom to face whatever comes each day.
v.26 This is an area where great improvement has occurred over the years in my life and where I know more yet to come. Living Life On Purpose by Kym Wright, The Source of My Strength by Dr. Charles Stanley, and Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl have been incredible tools God brought into my life to aid me in this area.
v. 27 I am the manager of my home and I am constantly seeking to improve how well I perform my duties. I am always learning, tweaking, and testing new ideas. There were periods of time the past I physically couldn’t do all I needed to each day, but as God heals the fibromyalgia I have been able to do more until to the point where I am fully capable of it all now. Praise God!
v. 28 My children and husband wake each morning to kiss me and tell me they love me. I am truly a blessed woman!
Becky Delvaux
Wowee!
What a great question.
My first thought to the question of whether is achievable or not would be “Anything is Possible with God!”
That said I am sure she also had meltdown’s!!
Mind you she was probably off in her tent during “that time” and so her meltdowns did not have an effect on anyone. Personally I think we all need a tent for that week each month.
I don’t come anywhere near being a Prov 31 woman but like that there is so much in there that we can look to for guidance. Things we can aim for and do ‘over the course of a lifetime’. Not all at once.
My servants (though I would love a maid) are my dishwasher and washing machine. I guess loading them would be like her giving instructions to those who worked for her – at least if I ignore my washer for a day or two it will still work for me…LOL
The rest are area’s that I would think most of us touch on in different way each day – sometimes without realising so. Perhaps listing the practical modern day versions of what she did would help us to be more encouraged as we see how it fits what we already do.
I am currently working my way through ‘Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World’.
Here was a real woman – having a meltdown! This book works through that and gives me hope that I too, can one day be a Prov 31 woman.
Now I am off to consider a field! 🙂
I’ve just started a Bible Study called, “God’s Priceless Woman” by Wanda Kennedy Sanseri. The first 2 lessons are comparing Titus 2 with Proverbs 31. Then the lessons go into different women of the Bible. I’m excited about this study.
I have completed the first 2 lessons and I noticed that Titus 2 is for the older woman to teach the younger women and Proverbs 31 is an older mom sharing with her son what to look for in a future wife. They must have had a good relationship for her son to listen to this advice. This made me ask:
Will my children want to know what their parents think as they begin to look for a future mate ?
Will our sons look for some of the same qualities in their mom and if they do – will those qualities be that of Prov. 31 or not?
Is there a strong enough bond that they will listen to us at all or will they seek out their peers or other sources that only lead them down the wrong path?
Am I growing in the Lord so that I can become a Titus 2 woman and follow the instruction of the Lord to teach the younger women or will I just sit back and let others take on this role? And even if I am not gifted in “teaching” will I live by example that other young ladies notice and want to follow?
This is what I was challenged by. This mom and son were looking into a rare and precious jewel “together” and the preciousness of this jewel was not on her “outward appearance”. I have struggled with this in my own life about my appearance. I was very short and tiny as a child — still short but not so tiny :-). I always had people commenting on my appearance as a child that I focused on that more then I should have. I even had a “beautiful” girlfriend in high school tell me that no guy would ever like me because I was too skinny – that all they would feel was my bones. This really hurt and it was comments like that which have caused me to spend too much time focusing on looks. It is something I am still working on and my husband helps me in.
I am also thankful to be able to homeschool my children and to have a husband that supports that. I know that homeschooling does not “guarantee” that I will have a relationship with each of my children that I desire, but I do feel that it will give us more opportunities to be working on it and that is what “growing” is all about. We don’t stop, we keep going and so I will keep working on those qualities in my life that God reveals to me.
One last thought, I try to remember, when a diamond is first found – is it beautiful? No, it takes much effort and care (gentle care) to get the diamonds that we wear. I read that one diamond can cut and shape another diamond – it made me think of us as moms or parents? God is using us as “tools” in our kids lives. Will we be like that “rare and precious jewel” to cut out more little and precious jewels to live for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ?
Sorry for the lengthy email. I stayed home from church with a sick child and guess I had some time to think. 🙂
Nancy Mosley
I wish I could say that I’m even trying to live up to the “perfect woman” in Proverbs 31, but I feel that I’ve failed and have given up trying.
I would love for my home to be as organized and prosperous as this model. Yes, I know that it is something we should try to attain, but in so many ways I feel I have fallen short.
To be completely honest, in a lot of ways, I wish we could just remove that chapter of Proverbs from the Bible. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that it’s just TOO MUCH. I can’t do it.
Thankfully God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. I must trust Him to help me, to guide me, and to show me where I’m falling short, and then rest in His arms while He teaches me what I CAN do within the circumstances I find myself.
I know this is short, and I will try to do better next time. This one area, trying to live up to the model of the Proverbs 31 woman, is one area that I have struggled with for years. It’s so good that God knows our weaknesses and failings, and loves us regardless. Praise His holy name!!
Thoughts on Proverbs 31
This is known to many women as the “guilt” chapter. I don’t think it is something the Lord put in the Bible to bring condemnation, but rather to show us how to be a virtuous woman. I think it is symbolic. I don’t believe that we are literally supposed to be accomplished in all these physical areas. If so, I may as well give up now.
A virtuous woman’s responsibilities to her husband are to be trustworthy, comforting, encouraging and to look out for his best interests. This is impossible for me to do in my flesh. Sometimes I am like a schoolgirl all infatuated with my husband, and other times I am in a mood and everything he says or does irritates me. Don’t get me wrong, he is a wonderful husband, and I really have nothing to gripe about. But sometimes you just wanna be mad! Especially when you haven’t been in God’s word consistently.
That is where the Lord comes into the picture. The virtuous woman knows she can’t love her husband and children in her own strength. In vs. 15 the Bible talks about her rising while it is still night to get food for her household. She finds a quiet time to feed herself spiritually in order to fill her cup so that she will have something to pour forth to her family that isn’t poisoned with her attitudes and emotions.
She girds herself with strength…she has none of her own. She goes to the Lord to “strengthen her arms” so she can withstand the weight of the sometimes very heavy load of caring for her family.
The Lord gives her the strength to be there for her family although she may be physically weary and emotionally. God gives her the strength to keep on keeping on.
Her beauty is not found in what she does, but how she loves. They will rise up and call her blessed because she is always there for them. They will remember how when they were unlovable, she loved them anyway. When she is gone, they won’t remember her for the way she “leaped tall buildings in a single bound.” They will care less if she made homemade bread, grew and cooked organic foods, or sewed their clothing all while teaching foreign language and trigonometry at the kitchen table. These are not the things that made her a virtuous women. They will rise up and call her blessed because of the love she poured out to her family by her words and deeds.
So, don’t be so hard on yourself (like I was for years!). You are not Mary Poppins (practically perfect in every way) and never will be. Do the best you can to follow God’s plan for your family. Don’t compare yourself with someone else. Be all that God wants YOU to be. That is the ultimate fulfillment of being a Proverbs 31 woman.
Linda Howard
Woops! I forgot something.
In verse 16, she considers a field before she buys it. Webster’s 1828 says the following about the word “consider”.
“consider is equivalent to, think with care, attend, examine the subject with a view to truth or the consequences of a measure.”
She thinks before she acts. She doesn’t impulsively commit herself to anything before first considering the needs of her family. There have been so many times I have jumped on board a project that really wasn’t God’s will for me just because I was capable of doing the job well or it was something I would enjoy.
We need to think of some things before we take anything on. Will this take me away from my family and if it does, is it worth the time lost with them? Life goes by so quickly. When your children and husband are gone, what would you do for just one evening together? Pray and ask your husbands opinion. He has insight into your life that you just don’t have. We women think we can tackle it all without anything suffering.
My dad always tried to teach me this lesson. He told me, “Pick one thing and do it well.” This is some of the best advice he ever gave me. Not that I have always followed it, but I’m doing better at it these days. I think it was because my mom was so involved in everything at church taking her away from home many evenings. She died at the young age of 57 and I know he longed for those missed times together.
By doing this, our best energies will be available to pour into our families.
I don’t mean that you should never do anything outside your home for yourself. I am attending a Bible study every other Monday night. I really don’t like being away from my family that night, but my husband has encouraged me to do it. He wants me to get that refreshment and encouragement that comes with fellowship with other ladies around God’s Word. I’m only committed to a six week study for now and will reevaluate it later. But I’m at a time in my life where I need the encouragement and it will be good for my family for me to have it.
I’m just encouraging you to really think through outside commitments and what their impact will be on your family.
Linda Howard
“Is it possible to live a life that resembles Proverbs 31? How do you do it? What does Proverbs 31 look like in your life?”
Good question.
When I used to read these these verses my head would swim! How could ANYONE here on this earth live up to these high standards set within these verses. I realize these verses were a mom describing the type of women he should seek out to make his wife. But I also thought it was a joke, and maybe this mother never really intended her son to marry so she gave him and unrealistic ideal!!!
But then….. I realized… every verse in the Bible is inspired by the Spirit of God. Given for the edification, exhortation, and comfort of all who read. That included these verses. They were meant to be a standard for all women. A list of goals to work towards. And words of comfort for the woman who doesn’t see herself within the light of these words.
You see….. we, in our own strength or in the kingdom of darkness, could never meet these standards. When we read these words, and all we see is something that we must strive, within ourselves, to become…. it becomes bondage. it’s a list that becomes a bunch of rules and standards we compare ourselves to. And we do just that. We do nothing but look at the list, analize ourselves, compare ourselves to that list, and then see nothing but shortcomings. No where, in that mindset and thinking was there, or will there ever be exhortation, efification, or comfort. There is only discouragement as we see the woman we will never become.
But we were never meant to strive to become this virtuous. At least in our own strength. This is a woman that we have already become. When we came under the Lordship of Jesus… this is who God restored us to be. And only when we see ourselves as this virtuous woman, can we truely become this virtuous woman. And we become this virtuous woman when we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us in all truth. This truth will be worked out more and more each day as we follow Him.
Will we get there the first day? No…. but by God’s grace we will.
What does Proverbs 31 look like in my life???
Well… if you looked in my home today you would see lots of fabric on the kitchen table from 3 current projects. You would see dishes piled in the sink. You would see an unmade bed because we left early for church. You would see clutter everywhere. And the dissarray of my home would suggest that I am not a virtuous woman. Looking at this in my own strength, I would get discouraged and start to believe the lie from the devil that I am not one nor will ever be one.
But what I see around me right now and what I see in the Word are two different things. And I choose to see myself in the light of the Word. And then I will choose to roll up my sleves, ask God for direction, and lay down some elbow grease.
How it works itself out in my life each day, is when there is a situation or a circumstance in my life that tells me I’m not a virtuous woman, I simply remind myself (and sometimes the circumstances) who God already made me to be and that these circumstances will change. Through Faith… By God’s Grace. They will change.
I think that as we strive to do what we know is right, we tend to see our flaws and failures more. So, as we read Proverbs 31 and see the “perfect” woman, we will see where we fail. That will cause us to “feel bad” instead of being uplifted doing a study on it. It is a good study to help you realize that you need to do your part and work together with your husband.
Right now, my husband works here at home. There has been times when he worked away from home, and we didn’t see him except weekends. One of the things that I did, was to cook big one pot meals and put them into lunches for him. Then I would freeze them. He would load up his cooler Sunday evening, go to church and then straight to Orlando. He had many comments about how lucky he was that his wife would do that for him.
Sometimes, I think he misses that special attention, although he would rather be home with us!
Hi! This is a great question. I think that it is important to remember that the Proverbs 31 woman is not a glimpse into one day of her life. It is more like her life summary. How did she live as a whole? I think that we go through different seasons in our lives and are able to really focus on different priorities at those different times. Of course, God should always remain first and then our husband and children next, followed by others. The Proverbs 31 woman clearly lived her life with these priorities. Her main focus was godliness. The heart of her husband trusted her and he was talked well of about town. Her children rose up and called her blessed. Yes, I think that these are all attainable for each of us as we strive to be a godly woman. It just doesn’t mean that our average day will involve everything from waking up early to going to bed late to sewing clothing to buying fields, etc. We can also see that she is a wise steward of the money that the Lord has blessed her family with and we can be like that, too. I love reading this chapter of the Bible for inspiration on how to live.
Love, Dawn Hall
This is so funny that this question arises now! I just started writing a book on this.LOL For my answer, I will write the beginning of my book. It is very rough draft right now but I really feel called to write this. I really want to share this with other women!!! Here goes!
What Does it Really Mean to be a Proverbs 31 Woman?
It is hard to find a proverbs 31 woman in this day and age, with all of of the modern conveniences and woman focusing on their careers instead of the home. We have gotten so far away from the real meaning of the proverbs 31 woman. YET, it is still possible! Yes, even in these modern times, we can still rise to the challenge! This is not something to be feared but anticipated! We can turn our lives around for the better and follow God’s vision of what a woman, a proverbs 31 woman, should be.
The bible says that a worthy woman is FAR above jewels! To be far above jewels is to be highly treasured! A worthy woman is treasured by her husband, instead of dreaded, by her nagging, bossing, treating him like a child. It is sad to say this happens in more homes than you might think. How would it change your life to be truly treasured by your husband?
A worthy woman is treasured by her children. How would you like to be truly loved and respected by your children?
When we go about things differently and follow the scriptures on mothering, it really makes a difference in how our children respect and feel toward us.
It is a wonderful thing to be truly treasured and Proverbs 31:10-31 tells us how to acheive this goal!
Well, this is the first part of my book, and in VERY rough draft form. There will be areas that will have a lot more detail and some editing by it is a start. I have never really written anything, but really feel a calling to do this.
As for my personal life, the biggest difference has been when I stopped trying to be the boss around the house and have everything my way. I wanted everything to be equal. I can do whatever you can do. I will get a job, you stay home, etc.. My husband and I used to argure a LOT after we were married. When I stopped saying hurtful things and arguing about everything and started approaching things differently, everything changed, including my husband. it is true, that if you start working on yourself, God WILL work on your spouse also.
Rodna James
When I read this, I almost immediately feel inadequate. I see all the areas I could improve upon. But, at the same time I feel like I have come a long way from where I use to be. Since putting God first in my life everything is getting better. I had been raised in a Christian home but really didn’t know how to live it in my own life. I know this may not make sense and I may be rambing. But, trust me that putting God first in everything is the answer to “having it all” and getting it all done. I cannot do this without Jesus. I have been under spiritual attack lately and I know it is because I am moving in an area God has called me to and I have obeyed. But, that’s okay, I will succeed.
I am a SAHM to 6 children, I homeschool 3 of them currently. The 3 that have some disabilities. We are a one income family with my husband working 24hr shifts on an ambulance for a living. My husband feels called into the ministry (as do I) but, not sure how God is going to help us to get there. My dream is to be a writer, which is what I have been working towards. This is what our life is about. I work hard at home to raise and school our children and hubby is hard working to provide for us. We worship God together as a family, and me and dh also have quiet time together and apart. We believe it is important to pray together as a couple. I hope I have answered this question apropriately.
Donna Scott
I too was very surprised to see your Mommy Homework this week as I have been studying Prov 31 over the last two weeks.
The key thought for me has been in the definition of excellent. Using both the Hebrew origins and the English dictionary I have come to see that the Prov 31 woman is one who is strong, capable, and efficient. She is noble, dignified, her actions affects others, she is alert and courageous in the face of danger, she is intelligent and qualified for the task that God has called her to. At no place has this verse ever been interpreted as “perfect” though that is often the interpretation we carry around in our heads.
I like to look at the character trait that drives her to the actions that she is so well known for – productive, resourceful, decisive, diligent, self controlled, compassionate and so many more. I believe that she is relational focused; that her desire is to support her husband and build relationship with her children and care for others. The major point is though is, she fears the Lord. From this perspective she is someone that I see as my role model, someone I aspire to. It is do-able. Afterall, she didn’t do it in her strength – she lived her life in worship (fear) of the Lord.
I don’t put the calling of being a Prov 31 woman higher, or harder than the calling of being a follower of Christ; a Christian
• I am called to put other’s first – my husband, my children, or others in need,
• I am required to be a good steward of the resources God has given me – time, money, energy,
• I am to have control over my tongue and speak words of life,
• I am to trust in God for all my needs, and recognize that when I am weak, I am strong, through Him who has called me.
If I can say that I am walking in my calling as a Christian (relying on the grace of God as I grow more like Christ) then I have to be able to say I am also walking in my call as a Prov 31 woman. Just as our life as a Christian is a journey, where we grow and change, then our skills as a wife, homemaker, businesswoman, neighbour is also a journey, where God’s grace will teach us and forgive us as we mature.
What does Prov 31 look like in my home?
• My husband trusts me; He trusts my discernment, my decisions, my heart
• I am on the watch to keep our family holy and separate for God
• I look for the best ways to care for my family’s physical needs
• My mind is able to discuss financial and investment issues
• My heart and home is open for those in need
• I don’t fear for the future, though at times it is unknown
• My husband is respected as a man
• I study the Word in the hope of being able to speak words of wisdom
Areas I would like to see more of in my home (as I see it today)
• There are times in my day that I know I fritter away, idleness
• I am not physically strong and don’t look after my physical body the way I should
• I need to be a wiser steward of our finances
OH – I so agree with Linda on this one…..When I read this chapter in the NIV or the KJV…..it heaps guilt upon my head, and I hear the voices from my childhood legalistic church ranting about the failures of all the wives. Then, I remember that God gives us truth to set us FREE!
So, after hearing Cindy rave about “The Message”, I went and got myself a copy and read this chapter in there…..what a difference it makes hearing it in different language!
First of all….it’s titled “A Hymn to Good Wife”. That makes all the difference to me. When I realize it is meant to be poetry in Hebrew, a song. It is meant to praise “The Ideal Wife”, to give me something beautiful to aspire to. I admire the pictures in “Better Homes and Gardens”. Should I feel guilty because my house doesn’t look like that every day? NO! But it does give me ideas and hope and inspiration of things I can do to make my home a more comfortable haven for my family. Should I feel guilty that I am not the “ideal wife” everyday? NO! But I should aspire to improve from where I am today and have hope that God is working to change me “from glory to glory” and grow me into what He has designed for me to be.
“A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.”
One of the vows my husband and I made when we got married is that we would never disparage each other in public. We would never tell a “man” joke, or poke fun at each other’s weaknesses, and so would always know that we could trust our spouse as no one else to stick up for us. What a difference this has made! I always know my husband “has my back” at all times, and he knows I’m looking out for him!
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
This reminds me that what I do each day is VALUABLE! I am serving “the least of these” with every load of dishes and laundry I do, every bottom I wipe, every “boo-boo” I kiss. I am fulfilling this call simply by loving my children and my husband. And – it doesn’t say WHAT is for breakfast….it can simply mean making sure there is enough Cheerios for all! And all of us can be “diligent” in our homemaking….we live in a houseful of sinners, so we can’t expect “perfect”.
She always faces tomorrow with a smile.
What’s the old saying….”When Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!” When I can put the “silly” into our day and laugh at our mistakes and keep the mood light, it makes for so much more peace in our house. When I am stressed, worried, cranky, angry, short-fused and generally grumpy…..so is everyone else! Sometimes I just have to take a step back and laugh at the misfortunes and the spilled milk and let it go and laugh.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
My mama always said “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”. What I great skill to teach our children, the skill of tact!
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Who knew homeschool lesson planning was in Proverbs 31????? Tee Hee!
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”
OK, my children may not bless me in the midst of flash cards, but you know it deep inside when they rejoice over a really good read-aloud, or say thank you for a special meal, or a board game, or something simple. I know I do make a difference in their lives.
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.
This is what I remind myself in this world we live in of Botox and Plastic Surgery. I am not wrinkle free, but I am loved, I am real to my family, and I am honest before my God. That is what is important to pass on as a legacy to my family, not the latest “look” or fighting the passing of time.
So, I’m off to do my God-calling of spelling words, laundry, and dinner…..and I know I’m off to a good start for today in being a Proverbs 31 woman!
I wish that I had spent my youth studying this instead of getting a degree in Environmental science and chasing money…however…
My husband’s heart does trust me!
I cleaned out the kids closets this weekend…
I go to town to get my food
I do get up early..
I cook 3 meals a day and snacks..
….I’ve never bought a field or made many investments —
….my clothing could be improved:)
…..I could improve in making money somewhere and certainly in saving money….
My mouth opens with wisdom….sometimes 🙂
I need work on having the law of kindness on my tongue…
Idleness is problem!
My dear hubby is respected.
What a blessing to remind myself what the focus needs to be on…I really want my children to understand that God wants things that are very different than the world wants from us. I still find myself chasing “perfect” education. What could be more perfect than raising a daughter to fear the Lord and to run her home:)
Dee Dee Helmers
I see my goal in being a Proverbs 31 woman as living for others not just myself. WHen I see myself as a aervant to my husband, children, neighbors BECAUSE I am a servant to Christ, It also helps me to remembe that Gos does see me as a Proverbs 31 woman because he knows my potential and doeas not get overwhelmed by my faults as I do.
I find that when I am far from being a Proverbs 31 woman it is due to disorganization. I can get backon trck by taking time to organize.
Morew than anything I realize that a Proverbs 31 woman is a process not something that I am or am not but a process.
I am another one who is quick to beat myself up for what I’m not doing . . . but what came to me when I read this Mommy homework question is the idea of being PURPOSEFUL. That’s what God spoke to me at the beginning of 2008 as an area He wanted me to grow in. I am learning to be more purposeful in everything that I do. Do I do it perfectly? NO!!! But I have a goal toward which I am striving.
I know that as I work on being more purposeful in the various areas of my life, I am a blessing to my husband and my children. Our home has been more orderly this year, homeschooling has been more focused, I’ve been more diligent in the use of the time that God has given to me. I’ve also been helping my children to establish routines and areas of responsibility for themselves that no one really taught me to do. We’ve been able to cut back on some expenses as I’ve been more purposeful in our spending.
I know that I have a LONG way to go to be a Proverbs 31 woman — and I’ll probably never get there. But I am seeking daily to find out what God wants for me and how I can live my life walking in His purpose for me. I think that keeps me heading in the right direction. 🙂
I’ve heard so many things over the years about this formidable lady! I’ve done my own studies, but one thing that really helps me keep my focus are some devotionals from Laine’s Letters ( http://www.lainesletters.com ) about the Proverbs 31 woman!
What this whole passage portrays, for me, is making her family successful, which ultimately brings glory to the Lord as well. Each of the verses is an attitude as much as an action!
It’s been 13 years since God started teaching me what “true heart submission” looks like. Another great resource that I use daily is Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ booklet “The Biblical Portrait of Womanhood”. So good to get the rubber down where it meets the road! I remember smugly thinking, when I got that booklet several years ago, that I had come so far. Well, of the 35 statements in the second section on attitudes, words and actions that built up or tore down, I only passed about 5! (Time to eat humble pie!)
Truly as my focus is on my love for my Savior, it then spills over into my relationships with my husband and children. And of course, then it will show in my homemaking! Oh, not that I will have a spotless, “House Beautiful” show house, but a living home, with life happening everywhere–but not so dirty or messy you feel tension and stress!
I’m still working on the decluttering and keeping up with it. I believe (and my dh has actually affirmed me in this!) that my attitudes have come a long way since I was a selfish bride 25 years ago! He even told me a few years ago that I was becoming the woman of his dreams! But the working out to the externals still requires much polishing!
I wasn’t raised to be a “homemaker”, and consequently didn’t understand the magnitude of my calling. In the past 13 years, I’ve realized that it is a privilege to cooperate with the Lord in making my family successful in *His* eyes and making my home a haven from the world.
I feel the areas I’ve done better in are the attitude and willingness to learn, and in training my daughters (I have 7!) to love this calling as well! My older 4 are great blessings to me and to others by their home-centered, servant-hearted willingness to work and keep a home.
I very much need to work on keeping things more simplified (and not keeping EVERYTHING!), to destress from “keeping up with the stuff”! AND I need to not fail to train my younger 3 daughters, and to model for them my love for homemaking!
This is so timely as I feel God is bringing me back to the “old paths”, so to speak that “worked” for my older children. Not so much a method as just reveling in His design for us as women. We’re doing a “Godly Womanhood” study of sorts, using different things, and I want to pass on to them my love for my Heavenly Bridegroom–I want to be so saturated, so permeated by Him and His loveliness that I anoint all I touch with the dew of His presence! I truly believe the Proverbs 31 woman is as much about her relationships as it is what all she accomplished!
Thank you for this “homework assignment”, Cindy! So timely!
Trisch Richardson
As a newly married wife, I really wanted to be just like the P31 woman who seemed to have it all together, but I failed and failed and failed again but in spite of this I still admired her greatly so much so that I was disgusted when a pastor’s wife whose wisdom I had previously valued called her ‘that dreadful woman of Proverbs 31’.
What has been of enormous help to me over the years since is to understand that my responsibilities as a woman are seasonal. The P31 lady didn’t do all these things all at once, like us there would have been times when she was pregnant and nursing small children and presumably there were times when she was sick. At those times she would hardly have been able to go off in person surveying real estate for example.
This understanding helped me greatly as I study the lessons that Mrs Proverbs31 teaches all of us women including her ongoing walk with the Lord, her godliness, her relationship to her husband and children, her care for her husband, children, family and the community and the way she manages her home and family finances etc..
Ruth Hollands
This one is awesome!
I try to take care of everything for my husband, everything at home. I try to remind myself every day that the Lord will bless me through my husband.
I try to have FUN with my kids everyday, and teach them that when you work together there is always time for fun!
It is hard, probably for every woman, to remember not to focus on your outward appearance, but on your heart.
I guess the one single verse that is probably the most difficult is “in her tongue is the law of kindness”. I get so caught up in everything I need to get done, that I forget the most important thing is to show LOVE first! I am far from lazy, I actually have the opposite problem, I plan too much most of the time! I try to remind myself daily to double check my plans for the day and make sure I am not expecting too much from MYSELF!
Thank you so much! This is the first thing I will read with my daughter everyday.
I really needed this! Two great books for this are, “Created to be his helpmeet” and “A woman after gods own heart”. I think I will be reading both of those again!
I dont think prov 31 was meant as a user guide. I think it was meant to show us focus…. everything she did.. she was doing for her family and others… not herself
kris mione
I was reading some of the responses above when the Holy Spirit spoke
the words – – YOU HAVE BEEN BORN FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!
Who says we aren’t Proverbs 31 women? God has chosen each of us to do
His will with His guidance each day. When we struggle with the everyday household “chores”, we need to go to God and ask for wisdom and guidance.
When we struggle with finances, we need to go to God and ask for wisdom and guideance. All day long we need to pray for guidance and wisdom. A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. What more can we do to become a Proverbs 31 woman then to get on our faces each day and praise God who made us and be encouraged by following in His footsteps and receiving His love and guidance. Blessings to us all!
Katy Horn, Westminster, CO
It seems lately I have really been struggling in this area. Actually I feel my whole life is in turmoil and struggling. My whole life is in chaos at the moment and I long for the day where it is not. Housework and the whole job of mom, wife and housekeeper is just very overwhelming at the moment. Due to some situations in my life, which I know are tempory and going to improve soon, I feel it is hard to concentrate on any one thing.
Soon, life will improve and I pray that I can not only study my Bible more, but do a detailed study of this book. I even intend to have a notebook with only articles and studies on being a Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman. This are goals that I strive for and look for the peace that is offered by living this way.
I truly feel you can live in this way, but you must be prepared to have others look at you funny. Those who do not love the Lord don’t have the peace, love and forgiveness we have and they look for items in the secular world to please them and make them whole. My family is striving to live as much out of the secular way of life as possible.
Thanks for the question, it has made me realize, in thinking about this one, that I am not as far off as I think and that HOPE is present and things will be closer to the way I would like them to be.
Shannon Depew
Wow, Cindy this is quite the topic. As a teenage girl we had a class in the Bible School that I attend on what Prov. 31 was and how we should follow it. But I must say God gives us all our own talents and abilities and not everything does the Lord show to us all in the very same way. Some things are clear and some things mean different to others.
Prov. 31, means a lot to me as a wife and mother and I will try to write how I try to strive to be more like that woman.
As this woman is giving counsel to her son, I have tried over the past 11 yrs that I have been a mother to teach my children what I believe God wanted me to teach them. Even tho’ our first son was adopted I loved him just as much as if he had been my own born child. No, I’m not the smartest woman in the world, nor do I have all the answers but I have learned many things from experience in life and I have tried to share those experience to my child as this woman in Prov. did.
A long time ago I say my own mother run down many people that I had learned a lot from and respected. It hurt me over and over and at that point in my life I decided that I would do my best to not be judgemental of anyone, especially other Christians, because it just might be that person that the Lord sent to help my child spiritually and if I had put that person down over and over, my child wouldn’t be able to look up to them and be helped. So, I try hard to watch what I say about anyone.
A very close friend of ours, went to school with my dh, aked one day when someone asked him if he thought anyone could ever split our marriage up, and his reply was that we were very close and only if we allowed the devil to get in between us. I strive to make life as wonderful as I can and meet his needs so that he doesn’t want to turn to someone else.
I have always loved working with my hands, I guess that kind of came naturally because I love music and play musical instruments. I love to spend time in the kitchen cooking things I know my dh and kids love to eat. When I see them eating and enjoying it I feel like I have been successful.
Before we had our children I was willing to work outside the home. I help put my husband through undergrad and 2 yrs of grad work. I enjoyed working but I always wanted to be able to be at home as a house wife/mother, which I have always felt was my calling. When we adopted our ds I immediately quit my job and became a full time wife/mother.
My down fall has been rising early in the morning and stay up late at night with my dh. I was able to when I was younger but after having all the stress that I’ve been through over the past 7 yrs my health broke and I am still struggling to get on top of it all. I miss not being able to stay up with my dh after the children go to bed and just having that time alone.
As a girl growing up I lived on a farm and learned how to grow a garden and put things up. Again, I did this until around 7 yrs ago when I couldn’t any longer. But, I dream of the day when I will once again be able to help stretch our food bill both during the season and during the winter months.
I’m not the worlds best housekeeper, since the kids came along. I try to keep things picked up as much as possible. BUT my dh told me a long time ago that he would rather I spent time with him and the kids than work on the house every spare moment I had. So the house keeping took a lower priority.
Making clothes was probably the least of my favorite things to do until we had to tighten the belt and live off nothing. Since that time I make the things the kids wear, unless we get a bunch of hand-me-downs from other family members. Our Christmas consist of clothes, maybe a new quilt, and a toy (usually something educational).
Our oldest ds has thanked me over and over for all the letters, prayers and willness to love him as he is. Blessed, yes I feel I have been blessed and my dh shows me over and over how much he loves me and appreciates what I do.
Prov. 31 is an ongoing process throughout life, something we achieve for during this life. I truly don’t feel that I will be able to obtain everything to its fullness but with God’s help I will do my best to reach as much of a Godly wife/mother that I can.
Cindy, just from the time I have known you, you are a wonderful example of a Prov. 31 wife/mother. Blessings!
Orilla Crider
The Proverbs 31 Woman
After reading thru this proverb, I noticed that my study Bible explains the P31 woman as possibly being a composite portrait of womanhood-not necessarily one woman. I can handle that.
I have read through P31 many times but have purposely avoided trying to be her to the 10th degree. I am not so sure it is actually, completely obtainable. Rather, while reviewing it again-I came away with a sense that this was more fitting for different seasons in a woman’s life. Some verses touching on areas of the past, present and the future.
I personally, have no intentions of checking off what the P31 gal did to receive this honor. If I focused on trying to reproduce everything she did, in order to see myself becoming “her”, then could easily let this become an idol in my life. That would become a stronghold, which would open a door for Satan to pounce me with doubt and fear. It would allow him to prey upon my insecurities-propelling me into a pit that I do not need to go into.
I should say that if we had an opportunity to spend time together building a friendship; you would be able to find some of those traits listed in P31, sprinkled within my life. Most certainly, I am confident that I would find some in yours.
That said, P31 is certainly worth the contemplation it deserves. What should be taken from the P31 gal is best summed up in verse 30:
“charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Now every woman: no matter who she is, where she came from, what life has tossed at her, and where she is in her walk with the Lord, can be this. If any of us read P31, and walk away with just one virture-this would definitely be it. I can honestly say that I am a Psalm 31, verse 30 kinda gal.
Sheri Hagemann
Every so often, I’ve thought about completing a study on Proverbs 31. As Kris already posted, it seems to be more of a guide – something for wives to strive for and husbands to look for in their spouse. I’m sure that many of us do not use a spindle or complete chores exactly as spelled out in this scripture. But, the idea of doing things to support your spouse and family is definitely there.
Personally, I struggle with this and feel like some of the ‘homemaking’ aspect of life was not taught when I was growing up. I know how to do some of the basics from my mom, but she was back to work by the time I was in high school. So, I feel like some areas were lacking in my ‘training.’ This is something I’m working on with my sons so they are able to manage a household. I am also learning as I go to improve upon my skills and make the house a haven for our family.
Laura O’Neill
Mmmm, how to live out the Proverbs 31 lady. My precious husband has told me over the last 10 years that I do most of it most of the time with the exception of one verse: the kindness on her tongue (I can have a very sharp tongue, especially with him). While I know that I don’t have the rest of it down as he seems to think, the fact that I fall greatly lacking in this area time and time again grieves me. If I cannot be kind — which is effect loving (I Cor. 13) — with my tongue when times get tough, why would any child ever rise up and call her mother blessed. Furthermore, if out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, then what is truly in my heart? So for me, out of all that she does, this is the area that I am working on the most. I want the Lord to so transform me that indeed it can be said of me, “She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” And not just teaching it with my mouth but actively living out kindness in even the most difficult of situations. Thankfully — I can say as Paul says in Romans 7– “Who will set me free from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
I’m believing God — He will set me free.
Is it possible to live a life that resembles Proverbs 31?
Yes, I believe it is! God would not set a standard in His word that He cannot and will not help us to live up to.
Now, How do you do it and what does it look like?
Well, I think it looks a bit different for each person because we are all in different situations and have different strengths and weaknesses.
But (just as in the process of santification) there will always be ways for each of us as individuals to grow to be more Proverbs 31 like even though we are living as a Proverbs 31 woman already. We as woman need to stop looking at everyone else and thinking we aren’t measuring up. Keep growing and changing as the Lord directs but recognize that our obedience to Him and application of Proverbs 31 don’t need toame as someone else. If you are practicing the principles of Proverbs 31 then you are a Proverbs 31 woman!
What does it look like for me personally?
v11 I know my husband trusts me.. with his heart… with his children… with his money.
v12 &26 I speak kindly and wisely about my husband to others and realize my Christian walk also is a reflection of how He is viewed in public
v13-17, 27 I work willingly with my hands on the tasks my husband has given me: training his children.. keeping his house..providing his meals..using his money wisely and not squandering it.
v20 I help others in need by not only giving of finances and materials but giving my time and a heart of compassion.
v21,22, 24,25, 27 I make sure our family has the appropriate clothing needed and that our modest apparel reflects our walk with the Lord.
Do I have it all together? NO!!! I have much room to grow! but I believe that I am living as a Proverbs 31 woman and as the Lord leads I will continue to grow and live more and more like this in each area as He teaches me something new to put into practice!
I am very happy to be at home with my kids and husband. I enjoy doing most things that are needed to be done around the home. We garden in the summer to provide food for us that we do not need to purchase. My new goal for our garden is to get some more raspberries and a few fruit trees so I won’t have to purchase those things from the local markets. We were hoping to move to a different home to get more garden space but that right now is not in God’s plan for us so we must be content to improve where we are and make the most of it here.
I knit, sew/quilt and crochet. All of these things I have learned by studying or seeking out others to help me learn. This is another way I try to limit our expenses out from our home.
I would like to find a way to help bring more income into our home. My husband and myself have a few ideas we will have to see how they work out.
I try to save money in any way I can by learning to make our own soap, make yogurt and I have learned to make our meals from scratch. My mom was a box cooker as I call it. Most of our meals started with a can or a box of something for our meal. My grandma was the same way. With my dh and both children being alllergic to milk I had to learn quickly how to make meals without milk, butter ect. By doing this I have discovered we save quite a bit money.
I always feel there is so much more I need to learn and do to improve on my skills as a wife and mother/homemaker. But I would not trade this road God has brought me on for anything else in the world.
Shelly Olson
I have to admit that I really struggle with this one. The only thing that keeps me sane is realizing that this woman had servants to help her do all of this. I try to be everything to everyone and I have practically drove myself into depression many times.
What I have done though is realize my limitations. I don’t feel comfortable going out and making huge purchases, but I can gather the information so my husband and I can make the decision together. This gives me someone to fall back on when I am unsure what to do.
I do take advantage of opportunities to purchase clothes when they are on sale, and my family never is lacking on clothing. They aren’t wearing the finest clothing, but they are comfortable and the clothes compliment them. They feel good about themselves in the clothes they wear.
I can’t stay up all hours of the night doing things as my body can’t go with out regular sleep, but I do make sure the important things get done.
I do not think I will ever be able to live up to the standards that seem to be Proverbs 31, but I do the best I can. Isn’t that really all God asks of us? To give him our best.
I think it is definitely possible to live a life that resembles the Proverbs 31 woman. I think of it in the same way I think of living a life that resembles Christ – the goal of every Christian. The only difference – Christ was perfect, the Proverbs 31 woman could not have been.
The scriptures are full of advice for living – how to treat our husbands, our children, our friends, our enemies, how to conduct ourselves. Do any of us expect to live out every scripture perfectly? I don’t. I try my best, I seek help from the Holy Spirit, I try to learn from my mistakes, and I try to better understand what living for Christ should be day by day. The rest I leave to God’s grace and forgiveness. Why would we isolate Proverbs 31 and use it to create guilt while giving ourselves and everyone else grace to get the rest of the scriptures right?
I love what Proverbs 31 reveals about what God can do in our lives when we live under His authority. I truly believe that we can all resemble Proverbs 31 women when we actively seek God’s will for our lives and homes. LIfe is a learning process. Every day brings us closer to who God plans for us to be when we continually surrender ourselves to Him. Read that Proverb again – doesn’t He have an amazing plan for us?
Trying to emulate a Proverbs 31 woman in a verse by verse fashion would be a very daunting undertaking. I believe the principles God teaches us through Proverbs 31 are a “roadmap” for all of life. God gives us many specifics throughout Scripture, but He also gives us many broad principles to live by. The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who is seeking God first, takes care of her husband and family to the best of the talents and abilities God has given her, and takes care of herself too. I don’t think God gave us Proverbs 31 to give us a major guilt trip as women. Rather, I believe He gave us Proverbs 31 to show us that the life of a Christian woman is busy, diverse, and rewarding. I think it is an incredibly encouraging passage of Scripture. When I am completely overwhelmed with all of the demands of being a pastor’s wife, homeschool mommy, coop teacher, college parent, chauffer, etc… I can read Proverbs 31 and be thankful for the different ways God allows me to care for the family He has given me. Above all I see the woman in Proverbs 31 as a woman after God’s heart who knows the value of her relationship with God.
Proverbs 31 is a passage that I read over and over. It is like a check-up for me. Every once in awhile, I read over this and let it truly sink in. I don’t think of it as what every day should or even could look like, but I look at it as a look at the facets of my life.
WIFE – This one I find easy because my husband is my best friend and I wouldn’t say something negative about him, and when my sister in law does say something negative about him or men in general, I make sure I don’t agree with her.
MOM – Am I someone my children can look up to and admire? Am I being a good example? Particularly in areas that they find difficult, I try to set a good example. As a homeschooler, I make learning as fun as possible. I try not to be like my own mom who was impatient and sometimes verbally abusive to me.
HOME MANAGER – Is the housework getting done? Is the food being prepared well? Am I seeing to it? This is an area I usually struggle with. This is the one I usually have to work on.
BUSINESS WOMAN – This is an area I am first getting involved with now. We just bought and I downloaded a FAMILIES IN BUSINESS set from Cindy, so we have quite a bit of listening to that, reading that, and some research and such to do.
Someone who helps the needy – I give where I can, not always money, but in time and things that I have that are excess to me. I have enough, but not too many clothes in my closet, I don’t keep things that won’t fit me because there are too many people out there who could use them and if I hold on to them, it would just be greedy. I forsee us having more and being able to give more once we start working a business.
I try to re-read it every few weeks to see how I’m doing. This is just what came to mind this time. Every time I read it, I see something else or it feels like God is telling me to focus on something else.
Elizabeth Bowen
This is a hard one as I tend to see my glaring failures more than anyone else. After some thought, I can say that I strive to put my husband first (after the Lord)above all other activities and agendas. Like another woman stated that her husband trusted her with decision making in regards to homeschooling, etc, my husband does as well. He enjoys me asking for his input, but trusts that I will do the right thing. I strive to be the first one up in the mornings and spend my time with the Lord and be dressed and ready for the day when even the littlest one awakes. I think I am doing better at cultivating an attitude of peace and contentment in our home. I plan meals and shop frugally. I work with my hands in that I can sew modest clothing for our daughters and myself as well as craft things for gifts and so forth. I spent a season earning money from home, but that is not the season we are in now. Now I am striving to save money because a penny saved is a penny earned, right? I also think that having well trained children who receive compliments each time we are out in public is giving my husband a good name. He may not be sitting in the gate with other men, but he often gets compliments on our family from other people in the community. I think, though, that mostly the Proverbs 31 woman is more of an attitude that we should be cultivating. She was more concerned with those of her household and community than herself.
What a wondrful topic. This being my first HW assignment I hope everything is done in the correct way and is in the right area for our responces. I am a Baby Christian I have been a Chistian for many years but until only recently I have really started over and am relearning and enjoying my faith so much more. I think Proverbs 31 is a wonderful guide for when we get off track or those times we feel unappreciated it helps us as mothers, sisters, wives, friends, teachers, ect. It puts everything in perspective on some level. I feel I fall short n some areas like 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come . I worry alot abou the days to come. This is very hard to do lately. Inother areas I do very well In other areas like 9 Speaking up and judge fairly ; defend h rihgts of the poor and needy. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and exteds her hands to the needy. I love to help anyone in need of any kind of need. I also love t take care of my family first and formost. This is the part I try to do the best job possiable. Tracey Haskell
This is a great question really gets your mind pumping.
I use Proverbs 31 passage as a check up. I schedule a review every two weeks or more if I feel I need it. I don’t use it to condemn myself, just bring me back onto the path so to speak.
Melissa Waters
I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman by living my life outwardly the way she does in this passage. However, though it might look like so outwardly I need to be careful not to get so focused on “doing” that I forget why I am doing it- to the glory of God. There are so many verses in that passage describing what this woman does but we as women (me especially!) need to remember where her strength and beauty comes from as she serves her husband and family…that is from God Himself. vs 30..”a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Wow! What a lot of great responses; I love gleaning from all of this great sharing!
This question scared me at first; I was thinking negatively, but two things Cindy said said got me in line: no beating yourself up and that this is a life, a life lived on purpose! Wow! Now that is encouraging!
So, my “doing good” list: I do a good job of saving money at the store by being prepared; we’ve been receiving free fruits and veggies, so I’ve been canning with a friend; I’m a pretty good cook 😉 I’ve learned more about working hard and improved my attitude toward work as an adult and am teaching that to my children. I also do a good job with our clothing; we buy clothes on sale and get a lot of hand-me-downs. I have clothes in tubs in the basement to pull out for the next season and next child.
The best thing I feel the Lord has accomplished in me is controlling my tongue! I now understand that I don’t have to say what I think! What a relief to know I won’t have to “eat my words.” I also am not as critical and negative in my speech, or gossip-y. Yay!
We don’t have a lot of time for a business while the children are so young, but I did invest a little time last year in a family business with products we already used. We now have some friends and family using this on a semi-regular basis, which helps lower our bill. Actually, I have to be careful not to jump at anything “new and fun” that comes along that could make money!
I am trying to have more fun with my children. I love when we’ve had fun doing “activities” and they say we didn’t do “school” that day! I think devotions are the most important “subject” each day, and character studies, and I just love it when they really “get it.”
I am thankful for the good Bible teaching I’ve received and Godly encouragement so I can be a wise wife and mom and go share and encourage others!
Thank you, Cindy!
Blessings, Danielle Hull
Well i think much of what i would say has been said above :O) i think that the Proverbs 31 woman is something that none of us would ever achieve fully in this life or we would be the perfect woman :O) That would be so nice some days!!!!!! In my home it is about having the right order of things and i am even reconstructing my home management binder to reflect the order now rather than the things. SO! God first – my quiet time with Him in prayer and Bible and memorisation time. My husband- making sure that his needs are met and doing things that i know might please him :O) My children- training them each day towards the purpose God has created them for. My home- making sure i cook something and keep it tidy. Others- taking some time each day to do something for someone else with my children.
Do i do this perfectly- somedays i can fail in every area but i love grace and i love the fact that the Lord just wants us to call on Him in everything everyday because He wants to help us to be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. I do like that about Him :O)
Thank you Cindi. May God bless you richly
Pauline
I love reading this chapter. I had memorized it when I was 15 but I couldn’t quote it now. I do think it is possible to be a vituous woman today. I have not really been working on it lately and so this is a good reminder for me to start working on these things again. I have been working on having morning devotions each day again and decluttering and organizing the house. This weekend I am having a yard sale with my Mom and a couple of friends. The decluttering has made it easier to keep the house cleaned up. I have a 21 month old and a 12 week old and am finding that I have to do things diferently to be able to get anything done. 🙂 Recently my older DD and I made little notes and pictures to put in my DH lunch box each day. I enjoy trying to find ways to make my DH smile. 🙂
I don’t know if it is ok for me to earn credits or not. I am not homeschooling yet. Although we occasionaly work on the alphabet with my older DD. I would like to be able to earn some of your resources.
Cathy Dunlap
I think it is possible. I am not there. It doesn’t seem to mention that she was bothered by outside distractions. That is my problem. I take on the world. I think that I can solve all the problems and have to try. This takes me away from my priorities. I have to work really hard at this. The other thing that sticks out in my mind is that it said that she has no worries for tomorrow because her family is taken care of. If I could only get there! In today’s economy, I do worry for tomorrow.
I guess this points out to me that I am not there. She sounded very organized. Some days I am organized. I can see that I get more done when I have a plan. She sounded like a woman with a mission!
One thing that I do have and can relate to is the relationship with her husband. Her husband praised her and so did her children. My husband thanks me and praises me for all of my efforts. That keeps me going. It is amazing what the support of your husband and children can encourage you to do. I do get a lot done in a day and I go to bed knowing that I am doing what I want to be doing…raising a family. I just need to make sure that the important things are what are getting done. Something that really contributes to family as a whole.
Sincerely,
Katrina Boatwright
Would i get boo’ed off the stage if i said that the proverbs 31 woman is a BIT hyped in Christian woman circles? I mean, to be entirely honest, i don’t feel like i NEED to be that perfect “superwoman.”
That said, i will say that how i approach my calling in life is that i try my very hardest to do what God wants me to do, to step out in faith and follow whereever He may lead me, even if that might seem WEIRD, such as avoiding birth control, homeschooling, courtship, etc. I know there’s different seasons for everything, and i feel like if i keep a good steady relationship with God going via quiet time and regular getting into the Word, if i put my dh first, my children second, my home third, and at least TRY to keep my priorities in order, i’ll have done a fairly reasonable job.
I’ll share though one struggle i have had in the past few months… First, i’ll say that i’ve been going through one of the deepest valleys EVER and that’s saying a lot for me, because i’ve been through a LOT in my life. And i’ve been dealing with a lot of temptation, and i really feel like i have had to make a conscious “CHOICE” of the direction that i wanted to go. You know how sometimes you sorta just move on through life to the point where its HAPPENING to you, not that you are making it happen. Well I feel like i had the opportunity to CHOOSE to live like we are… to CHOOSE to love my dh to CHOOSE to be a servant not one who is served. I don’t know if that even makes sense or if that is helpful or not but that’s my experience lately and what came to mind when i read this question.
Rebecca K.
This has been one I’ve been thinking on all week. How do I exemplify the Proverbs 31 woman??? It’s funny to me that this was the topic for mommy homework this week, because I’m getting hit from all sides regarding Proverbs 31. It has come at a fitting time because it has helped me in combating an issue that I’ve been struggling with lately… ATTITUDE.
She works with willing hands… good attitude in work!
She opens her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness… good attitude…no yelling!
She didn’t yell at her family or her servants. She took care of the poor. She was full of goodness and kindness. I don’t see that happening with someone who has a bad attitude.
So, here is what I’ve been trying to do…
When I go to milk and I have to chase a cow down… I think of Proverbs 31.
When I go to gather eggs and I drop one…I think of Proverbs 31.
When I spill a gallon of milk on the floor… I think of Proverbs 31.
I’m not perfect and I fail often, but the Lord is forgiving (and so is my family!) and I can only keep focusing on Proverbs 31. In all that I do, I will go about it with a positive attitude…thankfully and happily.
So, that’s what Proverbs 31 is doing for me!!
For years I hated that woman! Then I realized (OK, Papa told me) she didn’t do all that in one hour….or day…..or week…..it was over her lifetime. Happy dancing, there was hope for me yet!!! As I look back over my life, I’m not there, but I have accomplished much of it. I’ve raised other folks kids,(foster kids and public school kids when I was teaching in PS) as well as doing that now with my Little Critter. I’ve sewn our clothing, made blankets, quilts, and afghans for us and family. DH and I have almost always had someone living with us that needs a place to able to heal/be nurtured and grow strong again. So we take care of the downtrodden/poor. I’ve considered and bought land and eventually sold it for a profit even! Haven’t had much luck with vineyards, but can grow a pretty good garden! I can, freeze and put up our produce from our garden. (And I’ve gardened for years!!!!) My main faults are my temper and tongue (which can be wicked sharp) and keeping that ridiculous superwoman cape buried. I’ve gotten MUCH better about not volunteering to save the world single handedly. And I’m still working on tact. I HAVE learned tact is not something you use to stick things on the wall with…but still have trouble using it correctly. Overall, I’ve not done a horrible job. I’ve kept my eyes on Papa thru thick and thin, maintained my sense of humor (warped though it is) most the time, and realize I still have a long ways to go before my Savior is seen in all I say and do. So now I no longer hate “THAT WOMAN”, but am kinda in awe of her. I think I have her strength of character ( or perhaps I’m just a character….the verdict is still out on this one). I believe I have her compassion and servant’s heart. I’m not sure that I can be called lazy, although some days I think I probably am. I am an optimist and usually can find the good in others even most can’t. But can also be critical…mostly of myself, but sometimes of others too. So I kinda figure that if I continue to keep my eyes on Papa, listen to His voice, and follow His paths, perhaps when it’s all said and done, (I pray) He’ll say “Well done good and faithful servant.” And what more could I ask for than that? If I’ve done well enough that He’ll approve, I think my DH and kids will call me blessed. (Right now Little Critter tends to call me silly….but at least it’s a start! And who knows perhaps he’ll jump to the other end of the alphabet and call me blessed instead of silly. It COULD happen!!!!!)
So for the younger women, don’t hate her. Don’t ignore her either though. Just kinda use her as a measure for yourself. If you follow Papa’s voice and paths, you’ll be able to look back in years to come and see that you also measure pretty well on her rod of accomplishments! I have faith in you!!!! Shalom, Joie
Striving to live a Proverbs 31 life is such a wonderful goal….and SO very hard! I have to start over again, and again, and again….every single day! But having an example to go by is a gift from the Lord. I read a chapter of Proverbs each day corresponding with the date, and so I get my fair share of reading about our ‘model’! :o)
Mainly I know that God does give us the ability (through Him) to STRIVE to be a godly wife, a godly mother, a good homemaker, a thrifty and industrious helpmeet, etc….and all while having a good and positive attitude. I think He also gives us that DESIRE to BE that kind of woman!
Mainly I try to remember ‘her’ example….I try to keep the ‘law of kindness’ when I speak, I try to have patience when it’s quickly slipping away, I try to take care of my household, I try to uplift and support my husband, and I try to set a loving example for my children. I FAIL miserably on my own, but with God’s help, I get up, dust myself off, ask for more guidance and patience, get an attitude adjustment, and try again…even when I don’t feel like it!!!!
Now if I can just get the ‘rising early’ part down!!!! LOL
Blessings,
Amy
Wow! This was such a great question. I loved reading all the responses to it. I’m still soaking them all in.
I used to hate Proverbs 31 because it only reminded me of my failures as a wife and homemaker. As God has slowly changed my attitude about being a wife, homemaker, and teacher of my children, I have come to love this verse. I can see the wonderful calling that God has given me to be Keeper of my home.
I wasnt’ raised learning to keep house or be a wife first. My mother had a career (and commitments outside the home) in which homemaking was begrudgingly fit around. She expected the same from me so it was quite a shock when I decided that husband and home were my first priorities. I didn’t have a clue what that meant but I knew I wanted something different.
I have learned a lot in the last 13 years and the more I learn, the more things I can see that I don’t know. I try very hard to make our house a blessing to my husband and children. I try to make sure my husbands hard earned money stretches farther. I study and learn to make myself a better wife, mother, teacher and homemaker. I’m slowly getting there and it seems that everytime I read Proverbs 31, something else jumps out at me that I need to work on. I don’t see that as something negative or judgemental either. I WANT to be like this woman so I WANT God to impress upon my heart the things he would have me learn. I think that is the biggest difference in the last 13 years for me. My attitude towards what this woman did and how she did it has completely changed. It’s not a litany of failures anymore but mileposts of growth.
Right now, God is working on me about my sharp tongue. I learned it from my mother and while I am far less venomous with what I say, I still don’t speak with kindness and grace much of the time. It’s hard sometimes to kick the old habits out and replace them with new ones but this one needs to go!
I also took this Proverb several steps farther in that THIS is what I want my sons to think of when they start thinking of marriage. These are the guidelines. This is what I want my daughters to strive for as their first priority. So not only do *I* want to work towards these goals, I want my children to live them out too.
Thanks Cindy for such an awesome question!
Suzette May
I have this book:
The Proverbs 31 Lady and Other Impossible Dreams: An insightful and sometimes humorous look at Proverbs 31 in the light of the Twentieth Century! by Marsha Drake.
I have not read it in a while and since I have only a few books I am reading at the moment I think I will add it to my pile and read it again… along with reading the original text in the Bible, in a few different versions.
anyway… to answer the questions
Is it possible to live a life that resembles Proverbs 31? How do you do it? What does Proverbs 31 look like in your life?
I am not sure I “look” much like the Proverbs 31 Woman. I guess the telltale sign would be to ask my husband and especially my children… but would you mind asking them on a good day… LOL
ok here goes…
I do try to maintain my husbands trust vs. 11 I do not spend money without his knowledge.. I try to do things he asks of me.
Some days I work willingly with my hands..other days I do it grudgingly. We have been struggling with chores and keeping them done and that, I am sure, is because of my laziness and lack of follow through. I am working on consistency in this area.
I do bring my food from afar – getting good deals in Lancaster, PA at Shady Maple (especially for meat – we buy in bulk, and for flour and seasonings in there bulk food items section). We also shop at a little Amish food store in another town in PA about an hour from us (separate trips, separate weekends and usually not in the same month even) for some items that are MUCH cheaper there than near home.
I do rise early, but most days I am not the one preparing breakfast, we either get it each on our own or my dd22 makes lovely things… like the yummy banana muffins she just brought me for breakfast this morning with a tall glass of milk. Now she will be a great Proverbs 31 woman!!!
I have never purchased a field or planted a vineyard, we don’t even have a garden but I hope, after Leslie’s debt free living talk last weekend I am planning a garden for next year to help offset our produce costs. We may even try composting this winter to have some good soil to add to our poor clay that won’t grow anything. Now research on the internet about how to do something… that I am good at!!
vs 17 strength… one of the things I am working on… taking walks, at present time, with my dd at least 2-3 times a week. Hoping to work up to daily and then to getting back to exercising on the equipment we already have in the basement.
vs. 19 I am not a person that can burn the candle at both ends… I need my sleep… but I do keep myself busy all day and try to be productive in most of the things I do and not spend to much time idling my time away doing nothing, though I do take some time for myself and things I like to do.. I TRY to achieve a balance in this area.
vs. 20 We have given, even when we ourselves were in need so I guess I am a giving person, we would like to have more to give and are seeking the Lord on how we can better prepare so we can give more.
vs 21… nope… not ready for winter… need clothes for those in my household… winter coats for the boys.. they are growing so fast.
vs 22 … yep… I am a seamstress… I have made and have material to make clothes for myself and my girls… and I LOVE purple, but look better in red.
vs 23 skip that one… my husband is not known in the gates, or the town, or the church as one of the elders, we are not respected in that way… a sore spot with us.
vs 24 I am working on starting a home business but it will not be in sewing or handicrafts… though my daughters are working on a handicraft business.
vs 25… Always very challenging.. KJV – Strength and honor are her clothing. A worthy goal to reach for.. not yet attained or even close.
vs. 26… OOOOOHHHHHH OUCH.. need serious work in this area… opens her mouth with wisdom… speaks with kindness.
vs. 27 already stated I need work on not being idle and in being consistent with cores
ok… done… lots to work on… better get to it… off to live my life as much like the Proverbs 31 woman as I can for today… and keep striving for being the best me I can be in Christ.
and off to read my book,
Debbie Phillips
I have to admit that I udes to HATE that passage. 🙂 I mean who can live up to that?
Then I heard some ladies teaching what the Lord had shown them & that really helped me.
My servant girls are my washer & dryer, crock pot, BOSH mixer, ect.
I try to get up early but I have to tell you I do better in the eveningsto get things done.
I had a full time job years ago to try to help make ends meet & after we paid the extra taxes I had made only 10! It had cost us money to have that job. So I have done my best to buy used books, clothes. Yard sales when we have a little cash are great for buying clothes for those fast growing little ones.
I don’t sew, though I would like to learn.
Okay, I bumbed a button before I was done! LOL My husband is happy having me at home, and is very happy when I have a hobby to keep me sane and out of his hair.
I am doing some photography on the side, and will be meeting a lady tonight to maybe do a little photography job for her.
We make meals for our friends when they are sick or just had a baby.
I don’t know what else to say. I am sure I will not be chosen for the Prov. 31 poster woman, but I am doing the best I know how. 🙂
Boy Cindy, you sure picked a tough one!
Let’s see
My Dh has full confidence in me – sometimes I think he gives me more credit than I deserve.
I oder some of our food off of internet coops, so that would be bringing food from afar.
I try to get up most days before the sun, but my dd makes breakfast as part of her training
I try to make the best use of my shopping always looking for bargains.
I stay up late, but usually unwinding from a crazy day, reading, catching up on email, making dh’s lunch for next day..
I love to help the poor and needy – but am cautious about who and how I help
I make sure all of us are totally prepared for winter, it can be brutal here.
Everyone who knows my dh respects and loves him. My mom even likes him more than she likes me!
I do my best to laugh at the days events, sometimes I do cry, but I am making it a habit to laugh.
I try to speak with wisdom and faithful instruction, but occassionally I am a little crazy.
I am very watchful of what goes on or comes in our home, who is doing what…..
My daughter thinks I am amazing and my husband also.
I am Not very charming, but I try to have a beautiful heart, though sometimes I fail miserably.
Thanks for this Cindy, once again you inspired me to step it up! I see alot of things that I really need to work on.
MIchelle Stahnke
Here is how I look at a Proverbs 31 mom in our modern times:
Wanted: Someone who is as soft as a whisper, but as tough as nails, able to multitask, skilled in culinary arts, domestic engineering, education, socialization, medicine, sports, and psychology; qualified to chauffeur, supervise small or large groups, and make quick decisions; knows self-defense; can yell louder than anyone at sporting events; able to leap tall buildings in a single bound; a woman after God’s own heart; a mom.
Positions available for qualified individual
I’ll let you in on Trade Secret Number One. There really is no set of qualifications to be a mom. Sadly it seems we have a preconceived set of qualifications we imposed ourselves when we find out we are going to be a mom.
We’ve all done it. We’ve all had the pregnancy mommy jitters when we started telling ourselves, “I’ll never be able to do everything I have to do to be a mom.” What anxiety that causes? It is an enlightening and freeing moment when we have that baby and realize he/she just wants to be loved and cared for. So relax. By virtue of being a woman and having a child you are a mom. So what does it take to move from having a baby to being a truly happy mom?
Trade Secret Number Two
Nobody is perfect. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Your spouse is not perfect. And no matter how beautiful your baby is, that child is not perfect. The sooner we come to grips with our lack of perfection, the happier we will be. I am not saying we shouldn’t strive for excellence. We need to understand and work within our imperfect human parameters. If God chooses to allow us to expand our abilities and bless us with excellence above and beyond the norm in an area, praise God! If not, praise God! I have to strive to be the best me I can be by using whatever God has entrusted me. Release your perfectionist tendencies (if you have any) with regard to your family. Decide what issues (like hairstyles, clothing, hygiene, housekeeping, schoolwork, etc. . .) are worth a battle. Set clear guidelines in those areas. If it is an area where perfection need not be the ultimate goal, ease up and allow some self expression as long as no rules are violated in the process. Remember, we are imperfect people saved by the perfect God. Thank God we don’t have to achieve perfection before we can receive salvation!
Well as far as actually having arrived as THE proverbs 31 woman… After years of study in this passage I am sure that I still have quite a way to go!!!
As I read over this passage (which I do at least once every few weeks) I look at it as something that with God’s help I am striving to attain. It is in my big notebook along with my handwritten life goals!
v.11 My husband does have confidence in me. I try to always put his needs and wants before everyone else’s in our home.
And as part of my child training (when they are grumbling about not wanting to go run errands etc. for Daddy) I make sure and explain to them that we must always help Daddy, and that it is my job as his wife to help him do everything he needs help with! I explain that someday they will be Husbands and Fathers and they will need to choose their wives carefully because she will be their helper for the rest of their lives. I am very aware of the fact that I am modeling what a wife is for my sons. I pray daily that what I am showing them is a good example of a Godly wife and mother and not “exhibit “A” do not repeat”!
As far as, making the family’s clothes and traveling afar for food… I really don’t. But I am an extremely careful (not-impulse driven!) shopper. I save money and stretch our clothing and food budgets in order to make our money work to our best advantage. I try to never pay full price for anything if it is at all possible to wait for something to go on sale, buy it second hand (clothes) or grow it myself. (I have a huge garden) I am very conscientious of the fact that it is a privilege to stay home with my children while my husband is the main income provider.
I have been trying to supplement the family’s income through several different avenues, some more successful than others:0). I can’t say yet that I “see that my trading is profitable” But I am working on it!!!
I have been working very hard over this growing season to put away food, canning, freezing, and drying as much of out excess as possible! That is one of the things I have been doing in answer to the “When it snows, she has no fear for her household” verse.
One area I do still need a lot of improvement in is, housekeeping! With the 3 boys, the birds (I breed, raise, and sell parrots) the garden, and continuously trying to spend more time with hubby, I tend to fall (waaaay) behind on my housekeeping chores. I have been improving in this area slowly over the past year, but honestly I still have a ways to go!
Another of my biggies is the “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” I have been praying for wisdom, and for now am working on just keeping my tongue in my closed mouth where it belongs!
But that brings up a huge question for me. Since I have been praying for wisdom, I am not sure how I will know when I have it… I mean I know this sounds ridiculous but, really. I mean if you are sick and you pray for healing, you know that you have been healed. If you pray for your finances and your money situation improves… you know it! How will I know when my prayer is answered? I mean it seems ludicrous to imagine that there is going to be this situation that requires an answer and I will spout off something and think, “Wow that was profound! I must have Godly wisdom!”
So as you can see, I am striving towards the goal of being like the Proverbs 31 woman. But I still have quite a way to go!
What a question ! oh my.
I tend not to read reponses from others because I do not want it to influence what I am thinking on how to answer a MHW question.
I have heard Proverbs 31 preached, taught, studied it in classes and read books on it.
Sometime I feel pretty good about it.
You see I can sew, I get up kind of early and do a few things correctly.
Then I see all the areas I need so much work in. 🙁 Don’t we all?
Will my children grow up to think anything good about me? Well at 12 and 14 it surely looks like there is just no way in the world. However I strive to do what the LORD tells me weather it is in preaching, studying, just reading or at a Talk~a~latte or super seminar, and just live trusting that HE will honor me in honoring and seeking HIS will.
Do I fail? Yes pretty much daily I miss the mark, start over, or just plain get discouraged. Again I get up and try, try again.
Thank GOD for the HOLY SPIRIT and HIS WORD, and especially for grace and mercy.
thank you for getting me thinking once again where I need to let GOD work in/through me.
the privious comment was by me my name is at the top i hope that registers it in my name….. i think it is too late in the day for this early riser.
Blessings Nancy~Jane Holbrook
I Thes 4:11
Yes, I do believe it is possible to live a life that resembles Proverbs 31. For me it starts with my personal relationship with the Lord. Daily I must surrender my will, wants, and desires to him. I believe I can do this by following his word, the bible. Just as a place my trust in the Lord, I have to trust my husband even in the little things like what we should do this weekend, or how we should spend our money. I am not perfect and there definitely have been times when I haven’t put my trust in my husband and I’ve made a mess of things. The times that I do put my faith in my husband I find that everything might not be peaches and cream but it all works out in the end so why doubt my husband’s abilities. I believe that verse 11 of Proverbs 31 is talking about a wife having the trust of her husband. I believe that trust is precious and has to be respected and sometimes even earned. As well as I believe that my actions even the simple ones like not spending over our budget or not committing to more responsibilities outside the home is a way to show my husband that I “…will do him good…” as it says in verse 12. Undermining his leadership, decisions, or abilites I believe is falling prey to the world and is doing evil towards my husband instead of good. Each day I believe I am to look forward to “doing good” for my husband on a daily basis.
Also, on a daily basis I believe that one of my duties is to maintain a Lord-pleasing household. I believe verse 13 of Proverbs details that we, as wives should be seeking to work with our hands. I have personally never made any of my family clothes. But I have from time to time put my hands to good use and made small projects and gifts for them as well as others. The pieces I have made our treasured by my kids and husband like gold. I believe that for me its having a “willingly” attuidue and heart towards working with my hands. Honestly, at the end of a long time of chores, meals, dishes, home schooling, the last thing on my mind is setting down and cross-stitching but I have found that even if I don’t aways have the time, I need to have the right heart towards working with my hands even if I am tired or don’t feel up to it. It’s the willingness of the heart I believe that matters the most.
Not only having a willing heart matters but also being creative helps. In verse 14 it talks about bringing food “…from afar”. No I do not go to China and bring back wonderful spices or to Mexico and grab red hot chili peppers but I do try and be creative with food for my family. By introducing them to the “world” through new dishes every once in a while; at times due to our families dietary issues I have had to travel to other cities to get certain foods so my family could enjoy them without fear of allegoric reactions. At first I looked upon these trips as inconveniences yet through prayer the Lord has helped me to recognize them as ways of serving my family for His sake.
For me verse 15 reminds me that I am to take care of others needs before my own. I don’t wake up before everyone else in my household but I do try and make sure that I prepare the house for the next day and if necessary I have gotten up early to start muffins, pack the car, or even hand-washed tights for my daughter.
Verse 16 really has spoken to me throughout my marriage. The Lord has placed some wonderful ideas and opportunities at my feet. At first, I believed I was to be the working one and even go outside the home to “get the businesses” off the ground but the Lord had other ideas. I have started many businesses but in no time at all my husband is the one that is the “head” of them. I am still part of them as a “worker” helping him all I can. I believe verse 16 for me is about being open to the opportunities God places in our lives. Such as the verse says considering a field, then buying it, and then working it. That was an opportunity that the women took for her family. I do believe no matter the opportunities it shouldn’t violate the scriptures or require you to give up time with your husband or children.
I look at verse 17 and try and apply it to my life two different ways. First, I try and gain strength. In the past, I have walked or hiked to gain body strength as well as lifted weights. Secondary, I believe I can apply the verse to my heart, strength to prevail through whatever God has planned for my life. It says she “girdeth her loins” I believe I have to “girdeth” through the good times and the hard times of life. By gaining strength in my arms I will be able to shoulder the daily responsibilities God has given me.
Just as God gives us responsibilities, he also I believe gives us common-sense. To take care of the resources he has given us on earth including our possessions and money. As well as I believe that as verse 20 says we are to give to the needy; personally the needy are not just those without homes or food, sometimes the needy is another mom or family member that needs a listening ear or a shut-in that needs a good-home cooked meal. The needy are people just like you and me as well as those without the basics such as food, shelter and clothing. I believe as a women of God I am to be helping those in need and sharing with the love of Jesus, his son. With that thought it brings me to the next verse in Proverbs 31 which is verse 21. This verse reminds me that I don’t have to fear my kids will not have enough clothes or be without if I plan wisely. I am a clearance-shopper. I love sales. I feel I can stretch my money so much farther if I shop on the clearance rakes and it normally leaves me with a few bucks for latte or chocolate. When I read the verses 21 and 22 I have tried to apply them to my life by using the resources God has given me wisely and not allowing my husband and children to be without clothes due to my lack of preparedness.
I try and make sure that their clothes are pleasant to the eye, without stains, or missing buttons.
Verse 23 is very hard for me to apply to my life but with the Lord’s grace he has shown me through the scriptures and prayer that for my husband can be “…known in the gates…among the elders”. Everything that God has given us I am grateful for but do I let others know I am grateful for it? Not always, but I should. Same goes for my husband. Am I not grateful for all he does? Should I not be praising him for his good works and all he does for me and my children. It’s just one way I believe he can be known in the gates and that is through the praises and testimony I give of him.
Verses 25 & 26 make me remember that my “clothing” what I am to show the world is my strength in Christ and my honor to Him and my husband. I am to rejoice for all that Christ has given me. I can do that by speaking and acting from wisdom and not being foolish as well as keeping my mouth in check by only speaking of good things by being kind with my words. As I started out proverbs 31 helps me keep in focus how and what I am to do to maintain my household, its not some list to check off each day, nor something to glance over and say it doesn’t apply to me I live in 21st century but instead its something to ponder and apply to my life I am living this moment. As verse 27 says a wife is to look after her household and not be idle. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a good book or dvd occasionally but it shouldn’t be everyday if we are neglecting our responsibilities and duties as a women of God, wife of a husband, and mother of children. I love reading the verses at the end of the chapter. They paint a wonderful picture of the reward of being a Proverbs 31 women; her children and husband calling her blessed and praising her. It also reminds me in verse 30 that beauty is not the end-all be all. Sometimes in the past I have flipped through magazines or articles that seem to imply that I need to lose weight to keep my husband or so I can “run” with my children more outside. I believe this verse reminds us as women that beauty shouldn’t be a # 1 priority but instead should be the Lord; fearing the Lord by living for him. Overall, as I have read and re-read the chapter I am reminded that God has a plan and purpose for my life and that he has given a wonderful example to follow.
I appreciate what the Amplified version of the Bible says about Pro 31:29. The footnote reads:
“Many daughters have done… nobly and well… but you excel them all.” What a glowing description here recorded of this woman in private life, this “capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman” of Prov. 31! It means she had done more than Miriam, the one who led a nation’s women in praise to God (Exod. 15:20, 21); Deborah, the patriotic military advisor (Judg. 4:4-10); Ruth, the woman of constancy (Ruth 1:16); Hannah, the ideal mother (I Sam. 1:20; 2:19); the Shunammite, the hospitable woman (II Kings 4:8-10); Huldah, the woman who revealed God’s secret message to national leaders (II Kings 22:14); and even more than Queen Esther, the woman who risked sacrificing her life for her people (Esth. 4:16). In what way did she “excel them all”? In her spiritual and practical devotion to God, which permeated every area and relationship of her life. All seven of the Christian virtues (II Pet. 1:5) are there, like colored threads in a tapestry. Her secret, which is open to everyone, is the Holy Spirit’s climax to the story, and to this book. In Prov. 31:30, it becomes clear that the “reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord,” which is “the beginning (the chief and choice part) of Wisdom” (Prov. 9:10), is put forth as the true foundation for a life which is valued by God and her husband as “far above rubies or pearls” (Prov. 31:10).
While I wish to attain to all the actions the Proverbs 31 woman accomplished, I need to have the relationship with the Lord God that this woman has. In Pro 31:30 (AMP) it reads:
Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!
If I want to be praiseworthy, it is not my housework, my beauty, my business, or my attitude that will earn it. It will be my relationship with the Lord and allowing him to permeate my life. His glory, shining out of me, transforms my desires. My delighting myself in His Presence does this. (Psalm 37:4 – Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.) God knows all the responsibilities of a woman and if I take the time to commune with Him, He will help me get done all the things on His “to do” list. Of course, sometimes, He has a different “to do” list than I do. As I enter His Presence, He tells me what the priorities are and what I should work on that day.
I hope you don’t see my answer as a cop out. I have had some very intimate times with the Lord this week. He has spoken to me about how I can go through the actions and have my heart far from Him. He asked me to dedicate a piece of fallow ground to Him. (Hosea 10:12 – Sow for yourselves according to righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God); reap according to mercy and loving-kindness. Break up your uncultivated ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, to inquire for and of Him, and to require His favor, till He comes and teaches you righteousness and rains His righteous gift of salvation upon you.) This uncultivated piece of ground is my housework. I have tried with fleeting success to organize myself. He told me the key is to dedicate it all to Him. I really thought this prtion of my life was pretty worthless, but He wants me to dedicate my chores, my cooking, my daily activities to Him. This insignificant portion of my life is of vital interest to Him.
Wow, I wrote more than I expected. My dh needs the computer now so I will close.
Blessings,
Julia Schlenker
Now this is an enigmatic question, especially for me. I think we must all strive every day to be as much of that woman as we are able to be, but remember that not one of us is perfect. There are areas that each of us will find troublesome. Mine is the disparity between the call to be that perfect helpmeet, my desire to do so, and my physical incapability to do so. I can do some, but if I overdo it, then my body rebels and I’m in bed for days. So who am I helping when I go literal and decide I *must* do *ALL* these things myself for my family? Nobody! But how then can I be serving God and my family if I am NOT doing all? My personal opinion is that God Himself, having stated many times so, knows our hearts and our intentions. If we live our lives to our personal best ability in service of Him and our family, if we are placing the good of God, family/children, and the care of those around us first in our hearts and minds, then we are doing our part. That isn’t to say that all that is needed is good intentions. I believe the heart and prayer will inspire action, and this action is what’s called for in Proverbs. If you are daily in prayer and have full intent of service to others for the purpose of bettering their lives only, then I believe yes, any woman can live the call of a Proverbs 31 woman.
How does this actually look in *my* life then? I do my best to make sure the household needs are met. I am good with finances (as much as one can be when there’s so little money), so I’m the one that figures the household budget, pays the bills, makes the grocery lists, and arranges for the shopping. I work out the chore lists and try to work them out fairly by who can do what and I attempt to arrange for help where we need it because of the disabilities in the house (this is harder then one might think – lots of people are willing to get paid and few people are willing to work). I teach the children most of their subjects and allow them free time to explore Gods world and how it works. I translate our activities into appropriate lingo and keep the necessary documentation. I keep a calendar with everyone’s activities, appointments, etc so I know where everyone is and where everyone should be (this also keeps us from over or double-scheduling). Basically, as much of the household management as I possibly can do, I do. The rest I make arrangements for and then oversee. The household is still my responsibility.
Sheryl Hesseltine
I use to get so overwhelmed when thinking of the Proverbs 31 woman. But then Jesus’ words in Matthew struck me “my yoke is easy…” When taking another look at this amazing woman, I saw a woman I could be, a little at a time. I also saw a woman in different season of life. All of her attributes are very attainable! We just have to look though a different lens, the one that God looks at us with. We were all created with a different purpose in mind. What looks one way to someone will look totally different to someone else. What I find is the thing that is always in the way of me stepping in to the Proverbs 31 woman’s shoes is the world. It is the worlds definition of a woman that makes this woman attributes seem unattainable! What we have to realize is that we can not be the “woman” the defines and be a Proverbs 31 woman. So, I think letting go of the worlds ideas and putting on Christ’s “easy yoke” is the solution to the issue. This is a constant task in my life. We can not do everything, but through Christ we can do “All” we were created to do. – And who wants to do more then that!-
I used to groan whenever anyone even MENTIONED the Proverbs 31 woman. I mean, it was like someone was holding up this impossible standard that no woman could possibly ever attain…. and was just somebody’s idea of a great way to lay a guilt trip on anyone who wasn’t Super-Mom. The more I’ve studied, the more my opinion has evolved. All of the things this woman was doing were good things. Even excellent things. On the other hand, we are all in different seasons of life, and not everything is for every season. I don’t get the sense in reading Proverbs 31 that this was a woman with babies or toddlers. Perhaps her life looked very different in that season of HER life.
On the other hand, I think there are definitely things we can learn from her. Wise use of resources, diligent effort, good time management and delegation, to name a few. We may not be able to put all of these into practice simultaneously, but we can seek God’s prompting in our heart as to how he would have us to emulate this model… perhaps by following principles to stretch our grocery dollars, or by looking for ways to bring a bit of extra income into our household without taking away from our families. I really don’t think any more that God wants this to be some guilt trip kind of thing, but that He WILL lead us to put those principles into practice which fit into the season of life we’re in.
Cari
Sence my last post was so long, I think I will opt for short and sweet. The one aspect I want to focus on today about the Proverbs 31 wife and mother is creating more income for our family with my husband. I put that responsibility on him these past few years when our children were very young, but now that they are a bit bigger, I need to take more of a help mate roll to provide clothes and food for my children. I so dream that my family will be able to rise up and call me blessed.
I was eager to read the responses of others, but then thought I better share my own so that I wouldn’t compare myself and then not write anything 🙂 I am so far from this woman, but I have done some things that I can see in this passage that God has set as a guideline for us.
vs 16 “out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” We have a garden in which we reap food for our table. I have been canning like crazy this summer (it’s been a while since we had a garden), and it is so satisfying to see the fruits (or vegetables) of our labour sitting there.
vs 13 “she selects wool and flaz and works with eager hands.” My daughters and I knit and crochet. It is something we love to do and it makes such wonderful Christmas gifts. My daughters started when they were about 5 or 6 learning the basics and last year my eldest (13 then) made me a skirt for Christmas. To me this was her arising and calling me blessed. It so touched my heart to see what my grandmother passed down to me being used by my girls in such a giving and blessed way.
I continue to look at these verses saying “God how can I become her?” He says, “Through ME.” So I continue to look to Him for guidance, strength and character, as I can do nothing without Him.
I read once that this is what the lady did over a life-time, not in a day….
The way I try to live this out is TRY to have this perspective
1. Focus on my husband, his honor
2. Live so the Word would not be blasphemed (Titus 2)
3. Be home and children oriented, God-centered
4. Be open-handed with things and time as needs present themselves
Monique