There are so many resources in my summer purchase, I am wondering how one gets through them all, but that is not my goal. I just want to learn and grow as I go through them (= It should help as I get down the MP3 player better. Currently my 13 year old is also having fun with it and somehow my audios are getting mixed in order, but they are still great. Our 15 year old got an MP3 player for his birthday so he is enjoying his with library audio books.
Back on topic….I have decided to go through the marriage toolbox along side letting go. You seem to hit real issues. Sometimes it is easy to think nobody (especially a Christian women that desires to please God-my goals in my marriage several years back were shaped by my parents marriage-they fought in a way that impacts the parent/child relationship and still do on a regular basis – my marriage was going to be a dream marriage that had no problems and I honestly adored my spouse and thought he had hardly a single fault..um hmmm that did not happen..)has had this or that pit of a struggle in marriage, but in reading over your material I think you have been through a similar pit that a marriage can survive and thrive through afterwards. Mine has survived but I want it to thrive. I have learned from and read from a variety of books, but also need to be careful of the expectations I developed through my reading. As previously mentioned, my tendency is to read the book about the super homeschool mom and think that if I do this and that (some unrealistic goals at times)of course my marriage and home will be a dream home(or it is my fault if it is not)….God changes people not me, but I can change my behavior.
Thank You For Your Ministry, H.
Hey Sweet Friend!
I am so glad that you wrote this today! Thanks! I want to write you a quick note and use this on my blog (http://www.CindysDesktop.com). It is a very, very needed discussion! No names mentioned of course! 🙂
You sound soooo much like me with your desire for a godly home. I grew up in a home that confused me. I thought I grew up in a Christian home, but there were things that were definitely not Christian about our home life. I remember crying out to God to just SHOW ME what a godly home looked like. I wanted to just have a vision for what a godly marriage looked like. Even as years have gone by, I have asked God for what my relationship with my children should look like. While I am crazy about my parents, I wanted to get back to God’s design for the godly home. I wanted ALL the Christ died to give me.
When we get THAT vision, then we can live!
Does that make sense? We can get much more realistic instead of reaching for what is not there. We can LIVE it instead of reaching for an impossible dream.
Now to clarify, the godly home is not a dream that is out of reach. God wants for it to be one of our dreams. Then, He wants for us to hear Him for how HE wants to bring it about. It is through simple things.
Proverbs 14: 1 says that the wise woman BUILDS HER HOME. It does not just happen. We have to BUILD. That is our call.
Proverbs 14: 1 has another part which says that the foolish woman TEARS IT DOWN WITH HER OWN HANDS. I don’t think that the typical woman would do this on purpose. I just cannot imagine someone wanting to destroy all that is around her. But, I can see how easy it is to just exist…to just get too busy…to just do what you have seen in your own home growing up without asking any questions. THOSE THINGS tear down our homes. Even having a good model, yet not building and working on our home intentionally only leads to tearing down the home–my HOUSE cannot stay strong and in good repair without constant work by our family, how much more does our marriage and family need constant work???
Sweet friend, I think that the biggest misconception about marriage is that somehow others just GET IT. Every amazing marriage that I have ever seen has required a constant romance that gets deeper and more passionate and more intentional with every passing year. When our marriage hit the pit, it was interesting that we both were content with one another. We both enjoyed one another. We had our THING down. I guess that a good picture is of a warrior fighting along the way with his damsel yielding a sword behind his back. We were both busy with OUR PART. So, how does another woman weezle in there? Well, that is just it. The enemy loves to distract and destroy. He comes in many disguises. What can seem harmless can wipe you and your family out quickly! I was busy catching his back. He got distracted and we were both knocked around. Of course, NOT KNOCKED OUT! 🙂
That is important to note! No matter how bad it gets, the enemy DOES NOT and CANNOT win! Oh! He will sure hit you. He will sure try to shackle you. But, the good news from the cross is that HE IS DEFEATED! He cannot win! WE, God’s children, are VICTORS! WE are MORE THAN CONQUERORS!
So, what do you do?
1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE! One of the first keys to fighting the good fight is to KNOW WHO YOU ARE! This is not YOUR opinion. This is not YOUR feelings. Instead, you are what God’s Word says you are. The very best thing that you can do to build a very strong home is to get in the Word of God and make it the absolute standard for your home. It should be the foundation that you build everything upon. It IS the blueprint for the godly home. It tells us who we are and what we are to be all about. Get in the Word. Let it get INTO YOU! If you hear something that is contrary to the Word, see how it matches up. If it does not agree with the Word, let it go! If it does not match up to the Word, it is from the enemy. Don’t let your enemy tell you who you are and what you are all about. He is a liar, deceiver. There is no truth in anything that he says. Get into the Word. Get to know what GOD says about you. It is more accurate than the mirrors in your home!
2. KNOW YOUR ENEMY! Your husband is not your enemy. Your children are not your enemy. I know that you KNOW that. But, what happens when the rubber meets the road? How quick are we to retaliate when they do little things? I read a great description of how the enemy LOVES to get us here with this one. Years ago we were reading through a book by Dennis and Barbara Raney. They described it like soldiers at war–in the fox-hole with our spouse. They asked a question that just BLARES through my mind when I am throwing my most powerful “grenades” at Harold–are you fighting in the foxhole? Are we fighting with our BATTLE BUDDY? HELLO! That is just not smart! Instead of fighting the good fight, the enemy LOVES for us to get “into it” with each other. Gives HIM a break! HELPS HIM! We are supposed to be fighting HIM, not one another. Remember those kids in school who would run up and tap you on the back and run off? You would think it was your friend tapping you on the back? Well, just imagine those words coming at you…is it the enemy speaking? What about those low blows? Who is really at work? We have got to be smart soldiers! We need to KNOW OUR ENEMY so we don’t destroy our battle buddies! We need to be very careful to not let him USE US to “throw grenades” at those we love! OUCH!
3. GET YOUR STRATEGY! God is soooo good to give us step-by-step strategy. His strategy insures victory! There is no option for defeat. In fact, if the enemy defeats you, you can be assured that you will get another chance at victory. God will NOT allow His children to live in defeat. It is not His plan for us. If you ever find yourself in defeat for a period of time, it is time to get back up! GET BACK UP! Dust off. Get your Lord’s strategy! Move to victory! I love how God spoke to His people in Deuteronomy 1: 6, “You’ve stayed long enough at this mountain. On your way now. Get moving!” God does not want for us to stay where we are, definitely if it has been in defeat or in the chains of the enemy! He will show you exactly how to move forward toward victory. He moves from GLORY TO GLORY! Not from one mess to another mess! Get His strategy. If it is overcoming the past, He has the only strategy that will set you free! If it is building your home, HE has the master blueprints (in His Word). If it is fighting the good fight, He has weapons provided that will bring you victory! Don’t look around at the world for any of these answers. Go to your Heavenly Father, your Daddy! He is the Lord of Hosts. He is the Creator of heaven and earth. He will help you all along the way!
4. FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT! Nope, I do not mean fight with your spouse! 🙂 No, we are to stay focused and diligent to fight the good fight! There are no options! Just because people do not CHOOSE to battle the enemy does not mean there is not any warfare. No, they are just defeated. If we do not fight, we are just giving the enemy what he wants. The ramifications again will manifest in our homes. We cannot avoid war. The enemy doesn’t leave you or those you love alone just because you don’t want to fight! The fight is ON! Fight the good fight!
One more thing before I go!
You were mentioning your expectations. I am hoping that you have tuned into the session on LETTING GO OF UNREASONABLE (AND REASONABLE!) EXPECTATIONS! I could write a whole book on that one! It sounds like you are well on your way to conquering this one! Why do I say that? The biggest step is realizing that we have a blindspot that is knocking us down every time. You have spotted that blindspot! I am praising God for you! 🙂
Well, I need to get running!
Sweet friend, I am excited that you are digging into these studies. They were written from lessons that God gave me as I looked up from the bottom of my pit begging for help! I had no other options. Actually, none of us do, we only lie to ourselves! I will be praying for you and your family. Keep me posted on what you learn!
Love ya tons!