Wondering what Mommy Homework is???
Each week you will have an “assignment” here to share in our comments here on this site. You will love this-both sharing AND enjoying answers by others. Some of them, I compile into an ebook (contributors can resell as a product of their own–be sure to submit your email and full name when you register so I can credit you appropriately!).
The result is AWESOME!
We get to know each other…we are encouraged in our journey…and we glean super ideas from other great moms!
Ready for this week’s MH? This is going to be a fun topic!
We are counting down to our next Mom-to-Mom Radio Show on the topic of Restoring Balance to Completely Overloaded Lives. Talk about a timely topic.
Do you struggle with balancing it all? If you do, you are certainly not alone! The number one concern of moms who share their struggles with our office is balance–getting everything done, getting things done and not dropping the ball, getting around to the things that really matter. Relate?
Well, this week, this will be our topic for our radio show AND this will be the topic of our Mommy Homework. Here are the questions for our discussion this week:
- How are you getting everything done–well, the things that really matter? Any secrets?
- How do you keep things in balance?
- How do you manage those things that have a way of taking over?
Just jump in and share today! OH! And, don’t forget to come back and enjoy all of the other mom-to-mom ideas and plans for action! I think this is going to be GOOD!
Love ya!
Cindy
PS! Please remember to use your real name if you want credit for your Mommy Homework Credit.
PPS! You CAN just share and not participate in Mommy Homework, BUT I would LOVE for you to get some goodies along the way!
Deadline–Friday at midnight CST.
Life throws us strange twists and turns. I never planned to be a single parent, but I had to step up to that task when daddy went to be with Jesus. How do I make ends meet, yet homeschool and be there for my kids without getting out of balance? Don’t plan too much to do in one day. I try to plan my errands to do several things on a trip out so as not to waste time and gas. We don’t join every activity out there in the homeschool community, or even all the things that interest us. We have to pick and choose what our goals are and work toward them. For instance one of my kids wants to get her marksmanship badge this year, which means as a family we need to get out to the gun range for her to get practice in. Another of my children has a keen desire to be in robotics. The local robotics group meets at a time that’s not convenient for us, so we are involved in a more do-it-yourself approach to robotics that we share with our 4-H group. Most of the activities our family is involved in are connected to our 4-H club, which really helps us keep things simple. I like to think of 4-H as our one-stop-shop for our homeschool.
My kids are acutely aware that life is but a gossamer thread. We have to keep our focus on where we are headed so our activities here and now prepare us for the future. We know we can’t control everything that happens, but we know Who is in control. If we stuff our lives full of too many things, even good things, we will feel out of control because we have lost our Vital Connection.
These are great questions! These are 3 things that have helped me:
1. Have a mission statement. Before my daughter was born (almost 15 years ago now!), the Lord guided me through a process of thinking through the things that were most important to focus on. Matt. 22:37-40 and Matt. 28:18-20 formed the basis of my mission statement–loving God and others by making disciples in all that I do. Having this helped me to determine whether I should get involved in them or not.
2. Know my priorities and make sure the most important ones are solidly in place first: God, husband, children and then outside school, ministries, work, etc. I run through my priorities in my head before I add anything more. If I am not spending time with God first, then I should think twice about adding another ministry, even if it’s a great one or if they need help. If I am not spending regular time with my husband or with my kids, then I start letting go of things until those priorities are solid–and then I’ll go back.
3. Within those priorities, set limits. For example, I have limited my kids’ outside involvement in extracurricular activites to one at a time, or one ministry for me at a time. Even just one thing in each important category adds up quickly to make a lot of commitments.
I’m so glad you brought Mommy Homework back, Cindy! =) This has got me back to writing!
Vera Christian
I have learned the hard way to utilize my husband in our family life. I grew up in an overly feminized culture and when I married I thought I could run the household, have a full time job and church and volunteering, etc. My husband was only there for my comfort and companionship. Over time I burned out and the Lord showed me that if I really loved HIM I would start to follow my husband in all these matters instead of relying on my own strength. The Lord gave us men to protect us, even from ourselves.
So my #1 response to balancing my life is to schedule everything around my husband and his schedule. I rely on him to provide for us and he loves to help around the house (when I am not acting like a house-work martyr). He regularly takes the kids to their sports and 4-H events so that I can have a little me time… but this only happens when I let go and let him step up to the role of father and husband.
Thanks Cindy for asking such questions.
Anna Rozelski
Balance is a tough one for me. I struggle with perfectionism, so it is very easy for me to head toward IMBALANCE… God has been weeding me out over the past several years – especially as I became a SAHM, and I struggle with feeling overwhelmed by the urgent and forgetful of the important. NOT GOOD.
How do I balance? Well, I can tell you that when I am most imbalanced, I am physically fatigued. When I am fatigued, my perspective is totally OFF kilter. It’s like my Achilles heel for every part of my life, including spiritual. If I am sleep-deprived, I am very inclined to get off balance. God revealed that to me after my 2nd child was born, and now that my 3rd is only 3 weeks old, it’s something I’m aware of and praying about already. I take naps instead of finishing laundry or washing every dish in the sink. I find a way to be content with “Minimum Maintenance” and do the few MUSTs on my list to keep my sanity.
Hand in hand with that, I also brain dump. I know this is one of Cindy’s big things and I’ve profited greatly from her sound advice to do so. I often lose sleep due to the things rolling around in my brain. When I dump it all into a master list, rest comes (and stays) easier. I can take my “list” to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to prioritize them for me, and they usually fall into MUST, SHOULD, and WANT categories. When I don’t take it to the Lord – I don’t accomplish anything – plain & simple. It keeps me humble…
I don’t ever get EVERYTHING done. Ever. But I know which things have to be done in order to keep things running smoothly. When I am rested, getting those things done is more easily accomplished – AND I’m able to hit my Should and Want list, too.
As far as managing the things that take over – I’m a clutterbug. Really. And I married one. And we’ve given birth to 2 more. Clutter is our WORST attribute. I’m discovering that for me it’s about a lack of trust in God to provide for me and I’m more and more convicted about it than ever. That perspective has given me great motivation to get rid of a lot of things. I have not conquered this – but greater is HE that is in me – and as I’m learning to trust Him, I believe clutter will become less of an obstacle.
It’s so easy to get out of balance if we’re not careful. It almost seems like most of us are at one end of the spectrum or the other. Either we don’t accomplish much because we are, shall I say, lazy or disorganized, or we don’t accomplish much because we’re trying to do too much. I have my lazy moments but for the most part I’m probably the one who tries to do too much. But I do have several criteria in place that help me keep things under control.
First, I agree with the other two ladies, that having and knowing our priorities is crucial. If I keep my focus and remember what I’m all about, then the bulk of my decisions have already been made.
But, my priorities are pretty big. God, and my personal development, my husband, my children, my house, my extended family, my church, and my country. A person could be pretty overwhelmed even if she only did things that honor those priorities. So, to keep me being productive but never busy, I also employ the following test whenever I need to do some pruning or deciding if a particular activity belongs on my calendar.
Am I gifted in this area?
Does it work well with my personality?
Is it the right time?
Does it promote what I (and my family) am all about?
When I work within the strengths of my gifting and personality, I know that I am doing the things that I was created to do. By only doing those things, I work much more effectively and efficiently. I’m also happier because I’m walking in God’s plan instead of my own.
God has many wonderful plans for me. But they aren’t all for today. It’s easy to get excited about a new idea or to get comfortable with something I’ve been doing for a while. I need to always be mindful of the season I’m in and make sure I’m not holding onto something for which the season has passed, or starting something for which the season has not yet arrived.
Something doesn’t have to work against what I’m all about in order for me to decide against it. There are lots of things I could be doing that don’t work against who we are as a family. But I have to choose only those things that help keep us focused on who we are and where we’re going. Otherwise, there’s just too much to choose from.
Well, one of my sweet priorities is asking me to rock him. So, it’s time to go. I hope this helps!
Beth
At one time in my life I was like the guy in the circus act who runs from one end of the table to the other trying to keep all the spinning plates spinning. I was good too. My pride wouldn’t let me be anything else. Imagine my shock when I realized the “plates” that went crashing to the ground first were the ones I needed the most. My relationships with my husband and my children. My house was clean, my yard looked good, the finances were in order, every job at church I could do was done, everyone in the homeschool support group was supported, I used only the best curriculum to prepare my children academically, and I never missed a freebie from the internet.
I still struggle daily with not getting it all done. My to-do list for a day could fill a notebook page.
My first stop in the morning (after getting my coffee) is dumping my pride at the feet of Jesus. I try to look at everything on my to-do list and rate it according to my new survival question:”How much will it matter in 100 years?” If I can look honestly at each task in the light of eternity it gets much easier to decide what I have to do that day. But, unfortunately, I always have to get off that couch and put down the coffee. Then the rubber meets the road! I have to intentionally make myself slow down long enough to look my kids(and others) in the eye many times through out the day and think about what I see there. I know I have wounded them often just for the sake of doing something that really won’t matter next week much less 100 years from now. I think of all the time I have wasted on things that never brought them one step closer to knowing who Jesus really is. Precious time that I will never get back.
I still struggle. I think now my biggest struggle is the computer. Crazy I know but it can be very time consuming. I use it to do so many things. It is so handy to just grab it up while the kids are working on their things for school. Then it just kind of takes over and distracts me quite often throughout my day. I really have to be on guard.
There are so many distractions through out my day but if I can just slow down enough to focus on each task at hand and see how it affects each person around me, then I have to trust that the Lord will give me the wisdom in that moment to choose the thing that really matters in the light of eternity. If I didn’t believe this with all my heart I would have no hope in this life or the next and be of all men most miserable.
DebbieTaylor Reply:
April 5th, 2011 at 4:48 am
Vicki – I appreciate everything you wrote here. Being intentional with your time. Computer distractions. Really good stuff here!
Wow Cindy, these are great questions. Ones I am reevaluating for myself in this season of my life. I have chronic Lyme disease as do two of my children. I have had to change the way I do things but can I tell you that old habits die hard. Sometimes I cannot physically keep up with everything I need to do and I get very frustrated.
I have to say that my husband is my sounding board. When I look at my long list of To Do’s and I don’t know how I am going to do it all I’ll sometimes go to him and ask for his advice. Even though he’s not here all day he’s not emotionally involved like I am. He can just objectively tell me what I should not be doing or maybe delegate to one of our children.
Most of the time I just wake up praying and asking God to help me make wise decisions, to give me wisdom about what needs to be done and what to let go of. I never ever give up on my quiet time! I know that time with God is of the utmost importance.
I keep a schedule and a to do list. I set alarms on my phone to remind me of appointments and medication times for all of us.
Through my sickness I have learned to be flexible. There are days when I try to push through the pain or fatigue but rest is really what I need. I have learned that if I take a day to rest my family always helps even if it’s not everything that I do they are learning to be servants and how to do key chores around the home. I want my heart and my home to reflect Jesus. If I’m overloaded I have found that to be impossible because I get all fleshy! 🙂 I’m looking forward to gleaning from everyone else’s advice.
Tricia Soderstrom
I find for me that life is like the tight rope rather than solid ground. Unlike walking on solid ground, where the ground stays the same and balance is so automatic, life moves and changes and I become complacent. That’s when I realise I’m wobbling. I find I have seasons when I’ll realise that I need to come back and rebalance and be much more conscious about the steps I am taking and decisions I am making. Keeping my purpose in mind and remembering what my real priorities are help me to make decisions which get me back in balance. In order to fo this I need to be much more conscious about seeking the Lord and listening to the wisdom of others. Sorry this sounds really theoretical but I guess what I am saying is, there is no “right way” and for me anyway, I don’t expect to ever get to the point of saying, “Right, now I have balance”. With every season my priorities will be worked out in different ways, but the key is knowing what those priorities are, and being deliberate (and self-controlled) about doing the things which really matter. Love this topic Cindy and look forward to hearing what others have to say.
BALANCE
Just as everything was going along just find, I was catching up some on all that I had gotten behind on, after my health had caused me to loose about six months of time.
Then there was some unexpected writing of training lessons I had to do and teach. There went any extra time I had made up. Then to top it all off, this week it turned rainy and cold, I do not do good with either one so my balance ball got dropped, but hard. I went in a spiral and headed down, down, down.
Now with all my joints aching and I became so tired I could hardly keep moving, there is nothing left to do be fully trust in God to get me up and going again.
I find that if I get behind and out of balance, it seems like it takes a long time to get back in balance again. So why do I let it happen? Plain and simple I take on more then I should and I know better. Even when its that one little thing, it can mess you up.
One thing I really try hard not to mess up and keep in balance is Bible reading and prayer. Sometimes that can even get off balance and then everything else really gets off balance.
Well to the real questions now.
How do I get everything done?
When I am feel good, I can really go. I have to have a list. Sometimes things will change according to what might come up or if the weather is good and outside work has to get done then sometimes inside takes a different day.
How do I keep things in balance?
There are some things that just have to be done, no question about it. Then there are other things you can change for a different time if need be. This is where a list helps out, seeing it in print.
Things taking over?
Sometimes you just have to say NO, in a nice way. There is only so much your body and time can handle, and only you know what that is.
Nancy Lewis
Last year we added our sixth child to our family and things got kind of crazy for a bit. It seemed I couldn’t keep all the balls in the air. I learned a precious lesson during those first months after his birth. Relationship is THE most important thing. I had to be in prayer, stay connected to God every single day- meditating on the Word and listening to His voice. I had to take time to love on my sweet husband and let him know that even amidst the laundry, dishes, nursing times, baths, everything- he meant the world to me and was important. And I learned to relax more with my older children and to let the small stuff go so we’d have time to sit and laugh together and share silly secrets and read and play. Relationships are it. Everything else is going to fade away someday.
Hey Cindy Girlfriend! Long time I’ve been gone….but this topic is near and dear to my heart. We bought the tax office the end of last year, and between tax season rolling and going, trying to homeschool the Little Critter, being care giver for my elderly parents and our other activities, this is something I have to be careful about. Otherwise the business of daily life would overwhelm us.
First, we have a set time and method of doing our Torah (Bible)studies. Then we have a framework of what chores are done on which days. Next, we do a couple of activities together as a family. And we include my parents on those things that they can participate in with us. This method helps us get done the things that must be done.
To help keep from getting overwhelmed with everything, I prioritize. The most important things will be done first, then the next important, and so on. If what needs to be done is too much for one evening or one allotment of time, I do what I can and work on it the next day, and the next, until it’s done. I’m all about efficiency these days. Do what I can, do it the best I can in the time I have and don’t sweat the small stuff….and it’s mostly all small stuff. Except my time with Papa. Some nights I only get a short time with Him….but it’s a season. And He knows the desires of my heart. So I try not to waste a lot of time with recriminations, just doing the best I can. Knowing that soon this season will end, and I can spend more time with Papa daily. Some days are more hectic than others,but if I remember that I’m being His hands and feet, and I’m speaking His love to others, it helps keep me on a steady keel. That’s what I’ve tried to teach Little Critter also. Do the best you can, always trying to become more like Yeshua (Jesus) in our actions and words, and it’ll work out in the end.
Love the mommy homework, and getting to write. Cindy, if one of your new moms needs some points to use for your workshops, let them have some of mine. I won’t be able to join anything for another month…..but this season will end and I can rejoin ya’ll. Hugs to you and the family. Shalom, Joie